There... I've done it...

I've written my resignation letter, and put it on top of my boss's desk.

But somehow, I am not feeling at peace with the issue.

Maybe it will come as a shock to everyone, maybe I'm just anxious.

Maybe the bosses have been expecting this. Maybe they haven't.

This anxiety is killing me.

How will the fellas react, how will I react.

What can I do to make this easier for myself?

Hhhhmmm....

It is done...

Yes... I am handing in my resignation today.

After a long struggle, I am now on the brink of the biggest change in my life. I've been struggling with this decision for the past 3 months, and the dramatic saga has now finally come to its conclusion. It is done.

I will now walk on even rougher waters, and it's going to be the biggest challenge ever for me.

It's not exactly something that I want, but it's something that I have got to do. I don't know why, and I don't know how, but I must do this. Somehow...

Some people say that God doesn't mess with free-will, but the Big Fella sure does have enough power to turn things against you. Which makes me think, whether free-will is actually free or not.

But then the counter argument or anti-thesis for it would be that we exist to do God's will. Tit-for-tat?

hhhmmm...

Well... I'll be typing out my letter during lunch, and hand it in right after. This 1 month's probation period thing is one of the most edgy times ever. I've had the privilege of giving people thier 1 month's notice for 2 times now, and this will be my 3rd time in 2 years+. And have never liked it a bit.

It's like, you know you're going, and your bosses know you're going, but both parties are expected to keep a certain level of profesionalism. But isn't it good that we can avoid such a funny circumstance?

It's just weird. You know your allegiance lie elsewhere, but you still have to act as if you're the most reponsible person in the world... It's like you're waiting for your next wedding while your divorce is still being sorted out... hhhmmm...

I don't feel like it...

I just can't make myself get up and go to work.

Maybe it's a Monday thing, maybe it's just me... But eventhough I was able to pull myself up to work, I did it with a grudge against work itself. Maybe it's because I 'worked' through the weekend. I didn't really got any rest per se over this weekend, and I predict there's many more of such things to come. But something tells me, this has got to stop.

Well, waking up and going to work is one thing, but having reality hit me on my way to work is another. I loathed the fact that my mind was right when I thought about the stupidity of it all. My boss will be screaming for this, or that, and it's not even my fault that the suppliers can't deliver on a stupidly tight (need I mention 'Impossible') deadline...

And to give it a good 'up a level', I feel sick-ish. Maybe it's the nasi lemak, maybe it's something...

I have a lot of maybes today...

Maybe it's just me and the manic monday...

Wait... It's the weekend??

It's like the end of the week even before my week began!!

Seriously, today felt like a Tuesday...

Whao!!! I have so many things that I need to do!! Crap...

There's a lot of things that's hanging on my decisions waiting to happen on Saturday... wait... that's tomorrow!!!

Oh no... I have so many things to do and I have less than 1 night to do it...

Tonight itself, I have 1 Dinner Date, another Supper Teh-tarik after that, and straight after, it's gonna be futsal...

Then tomorrow morning, I need to wake up relatively early for music practise...

Within that practise itself I have to select a few songs so that we will be able to play with a direction and as a whole.... That will take some time, and figuring out...

Sigh...

I knew I shouldn't have taken such a laze during the Raya Holidays...

Random Facts of my 5-Day Break

1. In the true spirit of Muhibbah, I was stuck in a storm on Friday night, after work. I was at the LRT Station, and my car was a good few hundred metres away, and the rain was pouring. I was late for a dinner meet-up with friends, but that wasn't the bad news. I was in an urgent need of a major let-off in terms of pressure on my rectum. So, The first debate was, whether the LRT attendent would let me into the toilet without me buying a ticket. Ask and ye shall receive, and so, I got myself to the loo. At the loo, this is where the act of Muhibbah, prior to Hari Raya happened. In true Malay Fashion, I found nothing inside the loo except water, and a pair of hands... Mine... So, I had to use whatever resources that was given me, and I was desparate... I leave you to put the picture together... Luckily there was a good bout of hand soap in the toilet...

2. I hammered out my car door's dent with my bare hands, and a block of wood. It doesn't look all bad, but the dents are still there... Just like you've squashed a coke can, and it never goes back to becoming cylindrical again??

3. I spent much time sleeping, after late night/early morning CS Sessions with a bunch of friends... Fire-in-the-Hole!!!

4. I CLEANED my room. Which I won't tell you how long was the interval between my previous clean-up...

5. I woke up this morning, with a spring in my step although it's the first day since a long break. At least I didn't feel like dying...

6. Came back to face a whole shit-load of crap at the office...

Gah...

Life's starting to suck...

Life is like driving a car

I've been made to think about life recently, with all that's been happening, every turn of the corner, there's something new, something to distract me, something to confuse me, something to make me happy, or sad...

So I thought, how's it possible that we only live life once, and it's a linear progression thing? During our lifetime, we can't undo anything, we can't go back and re-visit our past, and try to alter what happened, and we sure's got no premonition of what's going to happen in the future. It's like driving a car in an unknown city, without a 'Reverse' gear...

We don't get a guide map, or a set of guidelines on how to live it, like, our moms don't deliver us with a 'Manual' attached.

As parents, they didn't know how to raise us. And as children, we weren't given any pre-programming on how to act and react towards our parents. And when we become parents, we won't know how to raise our kids either; how to deal with their personalities, what to give, what to hold back...

And life is like that. One way street, no U-turns. What we do in life, every turning, every corner, brings a new twist in life. And the best part about it, some of the roads have no lights. Some are brightly lit, some you turn into and find that it's a dead end, and you have to make a hurtful return, back to the main road. Some might have potholes, some major depressions. Some would be brightly lit, and relatively easy to manouver. Some you'd rather not drive through, but you have to, at the cost of partially wrecking your car.

Sometimes you meet with a highway, sometimes you drive through long and winding roads. Sometimes all the traffice lights are green, and sometimes, all of the are red.

Sometimes the road signs are clear, some are blocked by trees, and sometimes, we're just too engrossed on the road we fail to see them.

So, what we do in life, some might say, would be insignificant to the entire history of man. Unless we invented the wheel, or we invented the light bulb, or something better...

So, we do we still wanna drive on?

Some of us are accidents waiting to happen, others just want to stop driving. But then, we cannot do anything but to keep on driving. Sometimes, you get bumped into, you get wrecked, and you get hurt. But you can't stop driving because of something like that... Just because you can't.

Well, you can lah... provided you kill yourself... but that's not an option...

Life's like that... frustrating at times, but sometimes, the road brings you to green pastures, where the view is just simply beautiful.

We're seemingly given this life by the divine authority of God, and we are given the steering without much training. There's so much power in life, but yet, there's so much we can't do.

Sien... I have all these thoughts in my mind... but I can't put my finger on it...

It's just like this post... pointless...

Road Rage...

I was going to a game of futsal at The Summit when I stopped at the traffic lights.

There were 4 lanes on the 'Jalan Kewajipan', 2 (on the right) going down to the Kesas Highway and another 2 going straight, heading towards USJ/Summit.

So if you count from left to right, I was on the 3rd lane, which means that I could opt to either turn right, down into the Kesas Highway, or go straight, and head towards USJ...

And this guy, he tried to cut in through the 2nd lane (from left to right) and almost hit my car. And the worst part is, he blamed me for going straight at what he understands as the lane on which you shall ONLY turn right... Our cars almost banged into each other. I managed to stop in time, and avoided collision.

He raised his arm towards me, I reciprocated. After the small confrontation of raised arms, I drove off, and head towards the Summit, trying to go as far deep into the traffic flow as much as I could, thinking that the issue was at that.

But the fella followed me into the oncoming traffic lights, and as the traffic lights were red still, he came down from his car, banged on my windows, asking for a confrontation. I ignored him, he kept banging, I ignored him more, and he gave my door a good kick just because I supposedly dirupted his driving, and I suppose his frustration was because he failed to start an argument with me.

And as my car is a potong saga, made out of recycled aluminium cans, and can at any given time be made into a Cola can, my entire door is depressed. A HUGE dent...to both my wallet, and also my ego.

The ordeal left me in shock. I'm still in shock, and my door's not working well. I'm not contemplating wheter I should just change the whole door.

Sigh...

I'm depressed...

What's in a Man?

Some people say I'm a nice guy. Seriously...

Well, some say I'm too nice... Others say that I'm accommodating...

I guess I am indeed too nice, sometimes, but maybe that's just how I am. That's who I'm brought up to be.

I used to be very mean. Nobody liked me when i was in Secondary School, partially because I was successful to a certain extent, but mostly because I was mean. I had a huge attitude back then, and it's seriously to my surprise that I got my girlfriend to like me...

Well, maybe I've changed for the better. But now, I'm facing this possibility of being too nice.

And the things that are happening in the office, are pushing me back to my old ways.

I'm now forced to do so many stupid things at the office, you can't blame me for thinking that the bosses want to shove me out by burdening me with stupid crap like doing emails and what-nots. I mean, where else on earth does a copywriter do so many things, and still be expected to come up with good copy?

I'm now practically indispensable at the studio.

Here's the workload.

1: Brief comes in
2: Designers read/understand, comes to me for copy
3. I write out headlines/copy for them
4: Transfer the copy to their desktops
5: Designers do layout/plonk-in copy
6: I do final copy check, just in case they missed out something like a space/a fullstop
7: Designers export artwork into image for emailling to clients
8: Designer calls Desmond to 'get that file from my desktop'
9: Desmond connects to the designer's computer via network
10: Desmond transfers image file to own desktop
11: Desmond opens email, new message
12: Desmond asks designer 'Who's the client?'
13: Desmond sends email

That process, doesn't always go with the flow. I am working with 4 desingers, sending out stuff at every other minute of the day. Clients come back with changes almost immediately, and the whole cycle repeats itself, (times 4 designers).

And in the midst of the stupidity of such administrative emailing work, I am expected to check each and every artwork that goes out, whether to print or to the clients. And that's minus the pressure from the bosses to deliver this fast, to resend that file because clients couldn't receive, to change this, to write that...

And I am supposed to be perfect. Hhhmmm...

In other agencies, writers just sit down, discuss concepts with their designers, churn out ideas and copy, and there'll be other people to take care of all the other things. THAT.Is.ALL.they.DO!!!

And they get better pay than I do...

So, I think retaliation on this is justifiable.

I refuse to be Mr. Nice Guy no more...

I've been busy...

*That's something you don't hear me say often...

So, now... I'm doing a lot of shitty things at the office.

The entire day was filled with:

"Desmond, go to my desktop and copy the file..."

"Desmond send it to Client A."

"Desmond, check your email" ~ Yes... it's the boss again...

"Desmond, didn't you get the email?" ~ Yeap, it's him again...

"Desmond, check this and send to Client B."

"Desmond, why is this wrong?"

"Desmond, how's the job coming along?"

"Desmond, have you typed this out?"

"Desmond, remember ah, I need it by [time]..."

So the entire day was about doing stupid things...


The phrases that were held back into my stomach were like this:

"Yeah, I made a mistake... So?"

"Right, is that even part of my job description?"

"And why can't you do it yourself? It so simple!!!"

"What? All that trouble because you don't want to make your computer lag?"

"Yes, and if you're looking for perfection, try heaven."

"So which one is more important now? One minute this was a rush, and then it's not?"

"Finish your sentence. Don't just shout my name out loud and stop talking in the middle of your request."

"Isn't this supposed to be the admin girl's job?"

Gah...

wait..

GAH!!!!

Tuesdays are no better this time...

I woke up 'Ok' this morning...

But as the journey dragged on the LRT, I got more and more weary. Eyes starting to droop, mind starting to shut down.

If this is not demotivation, what on earth could this be?

Some might even suggest that I'm on the brink of a full-blown depression bout.

Work's piling up, responsibilities are at an all-time high, energy levels are down, I need a rest. A serious rest.

I think I haven't had a real and proper rest, without responsibility, since I took up leadership in the music team a good 10-15 weeks ago. Every week, it's the same grub, preparing for next week before this week's job finishes.

I know I need divine intervention on this, but sometimes, I just can't seem to be able to sit down and let my mind do nothing. And that's the thing that tires me.

Every other time, I am thinking of this issue or that person. There's always a problem that needs to be attended to, there's always a need somewhere. It's taxing.

And the worst is, people tend to not remember what you've done for them, and you find yourself all alone in the end of the day.

My pastor tells me that how many true friends you have will be reflected when you get married. That's when you see your true friends going out of the way to help you, and those who try to distance themselves from you as the wedding date gets closer. will all reveal the true test of friendship.

And how good a person you are towards your friends will also be reflected in the attendance during the ceremony.

Well, mine's coming up next year... So I guess I won't have to wait too long to see who my true friends are.

liturgy/lethargy

It's tiring going through the same tiring motions week-in, week-out.

I'm losing ideas of how to make the same mundane cycles be more interesting to those whom I am catering to.

Gah...

Woke up tired. But I woke up anyway.

Struggled to wake up, struggled to wash up, struggled to walk to car, struggled to drive, struggled to board the LRT, struggled to sleep in the LRT, struggled to even have breakfast.

I need a break... A seriously good break... where I can just sit down, do nothing, and rest...

~~~~~~

Bah...

On a lighter note, I just got the guitar and effects box last night from my friend.

Now, all I need is some money to buy cables, a voltage transformer, and a good sounding pair of earphones so that I can practise at home, without the noise of an amplifier.

So, that's all for now...

~~~~~~

Oh, there's a new girl in the office today.

If it makes you happy...

It can't be that bad...

*Yeah, it's the lyrics of a song from a loooOOOoong time ago...

I was happily putting out my clothes to hang last night when it struck me.

So, a lot of us are chasing happiness. And it's such that as long as it makes me happy, it's not going to be anything bad... well, like the song says, 'It can't be THAT bad...'

I think it's safe to assume that EVERYONE on earth wants to be happy. No one wants to be sad. Well, some people derive happiness from being sad, but that's just... erm... sad...

I know, some of you might be fast enough to point out that I am a sad soul, because I chose this path.

But let's not go there now.

So, I have gotten to know about a poor soul who is chasing his dreams based on happiness. He's basing his future path based on whether he's happy or not currently. Apparently he's never been really happy in his life despite being a very bright student throughout his years in school.

I have also gotten to know some who prefers to drown in his own sorrows whenever pressure strikes him, whereby no coaxing/talking to/convincing/attention/mal-attention may pull him out of it.

I have also known people who does things to themselves to flush out sadness by doing happy things, like shopping. And later feel sad because their credit card debts go soaring up.

So, this brings me back to the question: Is there no true happiness on earth? The type of happiness that is indefinate, that is always true, that never leaves you?

And then you think, "What about regret?"

There's sure to be at least a small amount of regret in your life. Some dark secret that's locked in your heart, that peeps out every now and then, that makes you go 'Sigh... I wish I hadn't done that.' OR 'Sigh... I wish I had done that.'

Our happiness, is in the end based on these questions. I think, whether we can be happy or sad, depends very much on our regrets.

If we carry a lot of regrets in us, we can never be happy.

So, here's something for you on this Friday, the 13th:

My mom always tell me this, and I have always tried to practise it throughout my entire life.

"Do what you're supposed to do when you're supposed to do it. And do it well. Not a second earlier, not a second later."

Which is very true. When you're supposed to be studying, go and study well. When you're supposed to build your career, do it well. When you're supposed to go get married, go do it well.

We only live once. We only go through life once. We are only a teenager once in our lives. We only become an adult once in our lives. We can only live once, and die once. And with each passing year, there's nothing that we can do to pull back time.

So, when you're supposed to be a teenager, act like a teenager, and function like a teenager. Don't act like a kid.

If you do so, you'll be absolved from sitting down one fine day, when you're 25 years old, and say, "Crap, I seriously need to grow up. How I wish I have done things a little different for the past 10 years. I have thrown away my education, I have thrown away my potential wife, I have thrown away my relationship with my family." And you find yourself trying to mend back the broken lives that's around you.

So, instead of 'No Fear', let me propagate to you, 'No Regrets'

Fondue

Is that how you spell it??

Well, we went for a farewell lunch with the girl who's taking an indefinate leave after Friday. And the farewell lunch means that most probably, she's not coming back.

And that means, I'll be asked to do monkey business again... I mean, I am not worried about helping the boss change the info on the ad and all that, but when it comes to layout, I don't know who to go to. The designers are having a silent protest, and will be as uncooperative as they cam be.

I am learning their ways too because the boss is seriously bugging me with all things big and small that the girls don't take no shit on doing 'someone else's' job. And that's not good for my character development.

So...

Well, I've been given this opportunity to purchase something that I would really love to have if I had even a tinge of disposable income with me...

A friend is selling his Fender Strat Squire + a Zoom606 processor pedal for RM700. That's a good deal, knowing that this guy takes seriously good care of his stuff. But I don't have such monies with me.

I am already indebted to another friend who has paid for my air tickets to Sabah in December for the Youth Camp.

Crap... Why do all these things happen all at the same time? When I have no cash in hand at all?? Sigh...

Check Your Mail!!!

My boss... He's getting on my nerves... Badly...

It's like I am now compensating for the inabilities of my colleagues. Well, not that my colleagues are incapable, but they're just having a field day in the company with their mutany...

And I get to 'channel' jobs to them because they won't listen to the boss. Crap...

Stupid boss always walks in and speaks in this loud tone, "Desmond, have you checked your mail?" As if not checking my mail every 30 seconds is punishable by law.

Then I will click on the 'get mail' button, and he'll look at me as if I'm an incompetent fag or something.

Then the mail is non-existent. Well, the system is a funny one cause we don't have a dedicated mail server, and the entire network gets access to the same mail. But sometimes, a couple of computers gets bypassed, and thus, not everyone will get every mail sent to the general address of the company.

So, it seems to be me that's not getting the mail... Like it's my fault that the servers over-looked my mailbox when it was distributing the mail.

Well, that's that.

I check the mail, and find that it's not in my inbox. I tell him. He goes off mumbling something.

He seemingly goes back to his computer, and forwards me the said email.

Comes back into the studio 5 minutes later, asks me again.

I always answer him, "YES"... firmly...

And he proceeds to ask me if I understand the email, as if I'm incapable of reading English. *Well, sometimes, I do make mistakes in diciphering the clients' 'Engrish'... So I don't blame him much on that aspect...

But almost everytime I ge the email, it makes me boil to see that the changes doesn't concern me EVEN A BIT...

Like he's expecting me to brief the mutant designers?? Like that's not my freakin' job yo...

It doesn't go that way... Work flow, in the studio, or in ANY OTHER Studio for that matter, does not flow this way...

And just because the designers don't wanna listen to you, doesn't mean that I am going to 'take care' of stuff that's not even a little bit under my jurisdiction... And I'm not even paid accordingly...

I am seriously considering barking back at him one of these days...

Wait and count the days before I reach my boiling point...

It's getting dark..

I mean literally...

The haze is just like a huge cloud that blocks the sun off.

How do I know?? I park my car at the parking bay, and I was contemplating whether to put the shades on to my wind-screen. Then I took a look at other cars parked beside me, and no one does that anymore.

So, as the mass culture buff I am, I indulged into following what the masses do. Although in elitist terms, I am just following something stupid.

Well, you can't beat them, join them. I mean, for my own safety, I won't wanna go against the mob, if ever there was one.

Sometimes, it's seriously disturbing to have this fact in my mind resurface at a time like this.

You know, it's almost a common fact that if you're a degree holder, you fall on the top 10% of society, making you the creme de la creme. Some reseraches say that the percentage is even smaller.

So, as you can see, about 10% of any society actually has the brains to understand what thick books are meant for. And by that, I mean to say that these people are supposedly blessed with brains to actually make an informed decision based on their own research, and thoughtful analysis.

So, what about the rest of the 90% of the society?

Well, these will be the less privileged, some of them would have the brains, but not the means to study. Some will have the means to study, but not the brains. But that's for another day. (*I keep saying this or that is for another day, but I seem to really remember what's there for another day... heh)

~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that was in the morning...

My boss is getting more and more on my nerves. Keep on asking me to be more responsible for my colleagues' shit... One of these days, I'll snap at him... And it's not like it's my fault that he always walks in when I've just finished my job.

But today, I got caught up in a fiasco of work-buytickets-work-worryabouttickets-work-work-buytickets for the entire day...

Lousy 'No Frills Airline' ask us to book through internet...

Internet facilities for most Credit Cards are disabled for security purposes...

Equals to Cannot buy tickets...

Equals to Stupid Useless Promotion...

Gah...

I shall go to the toilet and hang-out for a while to de-stress...

Erg...

My hand...

The muscle that sits between my wrist and elbow, the right one, keeps twitching...

And it's annoying the crap outta me.

I'm just sitting there, hand on mouse, and the fella just twitches every now and then...

It's very uncomfortable, and there's nothing I can do to cure it.

Maybe I slept on it last night, but I don't recall such a stunt...

It's affecting my typing as my fingers wouldn't be able to hit the key properly if it twitches at the instance my fingers hit the board. I keep losing an alphabet here and there... *For the record, I proof read and re-corrected a few times.

Maybe it was something I took yesterday...

But it's annoying!!!

crap...

It's Back!!

Mondays...

It wasn't a bad 'wake-up' today... But sleeping is indeed becoming a chore with all that haze and the bad air... Sometimes, even sitting under the fan shirtless doesn't cut it.

It's been the worst today.

I could barely see the big-big buildings from less than 2 kilometres away! It's like, optically, you're in the highlands, but the heat your body is experiencing tells you otherwise.

Well, I guess Mondays are always somewhat a tirade.

Somehow, we just can't get a good Monday anytime of the year I guess. I was happily taking in the highlands scenery as I parked my car, trying to not walk too briskly for fear of breaking sweat. I mean, I could just stand there and do nothing, and I could still break into a sweating spree. So, it was a tussle between the air-conditioning of my car cabin, walk as fast as I could without sweating, hop right into the air-conditioning of the LRT.

So, I thought I was in for a good day. As soon as I reached on the platform, there was a hoard of commuters on it, and the train has just pulled-up, and opened its doors. Apparently, the system was a little down or something. Normally, there won't be that much of a crowd.

But somehow, the LRT that came was relatively empty and I didn't have to squeeze to get in. So, in that, I gave thanks.

It was a rather good ride, I had my routine, breakfast, tea, office.

The Monday bug only started as soon as I sat down and switched on my comp.

The boss came in 5 minutes after I did, and started barking orders for me to go to my late-comer (also read 'rogue') colleague's computers to check on stuff. I mean, I am a believer of confidentiality and not touching people's stuff. Besides, it's not my job or fault that they arrive late, I wouldn't know where they saved their files, and most important of all, I don't like to see someone sitting at my desk when I arrive, if I were my colleague. But my boss couldn't wait. He chased me for so many things that apparently needs to be done 'by today'... and it was freakin 9.45am!!! What's with the rush man? It's like I just arrived and you're chasing me for stuff that's due by the end of today?

And it's not even my job!!!

Crap... someone just has to spoil it for me.

Sien.

Friday Solace...

The only good news for today is that tomorrow is a non-working day!

That's about it.

I am so depressed right now, i don't feel like doing anything.

Everything's just not working for me. Want to go work at a new industry, cannot; want to buy shoes, cannot; want to leave this forsaken company, cannot;

It doesn't get any atrocious than that!

I haven't been writing stuff that stimulates anyone's brain juices lately, simply because my mind's not been in an objective state. It's gone mundane, no stimulating thoughts, no stimulae, nothing new in my life.

I've been seeing the same struggle everyday for the past 2 months, I've been worrying about the same future for the past 2 months, and I haven't been able to get my mind focused on what I should be doing.

And so, I find myself at the end of the week, and I ask myself, what have I achieved this week?

I see nothing.

I went for an interview that's resulted in nothing;
I arrived late at work for nothing;
I am sitting at my office for nothing;
I exist for nothing;

Maybe it's due to the fact that I am not doing what I am supposed to do.

I have been fighting it, I have been trying to escape from it, I have been to hell and back because of it.

~~~~~~

The colleagues are seriously starting a mutany. They went for a super-long lunch today. Boss didn't dare make a sound. I am sitting here, waiting for the boiling point, and see who snaps first.

The tension continues!!

Habis:

My two weeks worth of uncertainty, has certainly come to an end.

I have received word that I do have an offer on the table, but I am encouraged to not take it. For political reasons, and for a lot of other reasons which I am not able to divulge.

So, there goes the option of working with Company B.

I guess there's no use fighting something that's a certainty.

In the end, this makes me wonder about whether there's really Free-Will in this world.

I just can't wrestle with something bigger than myself...

Lethargic Evenings

Make for a good time to post some scandalous issues.

Well, what have I done for the entire day?
1. Came in on time despite taking a lazy breakfast of bread and tea.
2. Switched on the computer, and proceeded to 'work'.
3. Finish work in 15-20 minutes.
4. Sat down, in front of comp, reading blogs over and over again.
5. Had biscuits and Milo for lunch.
6. Slightly after lunch, made a trip outdoors to help boss drive car back from painters: He reversed into a parked car, busted his bumper + brake lights.
7. Came back, had a light snack, a few cups of water.
8. Proceed to re-read blogs, hoping the writers posted something new.
9. Eavesdrop on colleagues conversation, boss' conversation.
10. Blog my second post of the day.

Yes, I am that bored at work. And no... www.boredworkers.com don't cut it no more...

So, there's this issue about my colleagues and my boss, whereby, the boss is openly suspecting a mutany is on the tables. So, the atmosphere at the office is tense.

The boss is trying to act as if nothing's happening, and the colleagues can't be bothered to bother about the company's well-being.

Interviews have been ongoing for the past 2 days, seemingly the boss' attempt to bring in fresh blood, to cater for the suspected mass exodus.

And there's this unnerving feeling about the office whenever the clients ask us for something that's difficult to do. Like, "I want to see a mock-up tomorrow, when he'd demanding it like, 30 minutes before closing time."

It's stuff like these that the bosses are afraid of, but the colleagues are taking it as incompetent client handling.

So, in the end, the boss just gave the order. And the colleague, is now in silent protestation.

Tense indeed.

So... come back to me...

There's no offer on the table from Company B, and this anxiety is killing me slowly.

And there's nothing in the office to take my mind off things.

crap...

Troubled Times

Well, this 2nd interview has opened a new can of worms.

As my girlfriend is working in the HR Dept of the Company, they fear that I might be used as a political pawn to obtain confidential information from the girlfriend as she has access to everyone's dossier and working history. So, there's actually really a lot of power stored within a company's HR Dept. I only wonder why HR people aren't earning a larger salary.

So, as it has gone, this hasn't been smooth sailing AT ALL...

First, they threw my resume aside.
Then, they hired an incompetent girl. *She tendered her resignation a few days back.
After that, they came back to me after a little prodding by my girlfriend.
Thus, the 1st interview.
Then Interviewing manager tendered resignation.
Resulting in me losing hope.
After that, I get called for 2nd interview
And now, they are afraid that I might be used as a political pawn by my superiors.

Whao... life doesn't get any more confusing than that. And the Department can't get any more scandalous.

Within the course of these 10+ days, my mind has been messed with, hope has been given, taken away, given back, and now is on the brink of dissipating.

Well, maybe God is trying to tell me something. But maybe it's a test of my character. Maybe it's so many things. I'm so confused.

I've slept on it, I've tried not to think about it, I've tried hitting my head with it. Nothing. Still no light at the end of the tunnel.

~~~~~~~~

On another note, I need new shoes. This old pair that I am wearing, has been cobblered, stitched back together, and now, it's falling apart, beyond repair. And I need to replenish my wardrobe. God knows when was the last time I bought shirts for myself.

And I don't have money. ARGGHHHhhhh...

Deflated.

Oh, Hello...

Yes, to all my hoarding legion of 5 readers, I am still relatively alive.

Life hasn't been great, but I'm not complaining. Work has been ok, in a sense that I have something to do at the office for the past 2 days.

Nothing new to report.

I'm still in delirium.

I went for the 2nd interview, and the GM asked the more questions. It was meant to be tough, and I think I handled it pretty well.

Still no news yet, but I think an offer is imminent, considering the fact that the department is depleted, understaffed, over-worked, but relatively well-paid.

So, I'm sitting at the office, taking my own sweet time when my colleagues are sweating bullets out of their eyebrows because the clients are being a pain in the nether regions. Everyone asking for more things at a shorter notice. Imagine the chaos. Sometimes, I really wonder, whether the clients are really stupid, or are they are so smart that they're acting stupid to get the mickey out of us. There's a conspiracy I tell ya...

Well, there's so much to do, and I can only wonder what it'll be like later in the month, whereby I'll have tonnes of stuff to check, cross reference, and double check.

My plight now, is to try to find a way to escape this stupendous situation of mine as soon as possible.

I just hope I can get an offer on the table VERY soon.

Well, life's a bore.

Would you???

So...

In a twist of rather fortunate or unfortunate events, somehow, somewhere along the line, something happened.

And suddenly, out of the blue, Company B called up to set a 2nd interview with them. So I'm like... 'WHAT??!!!??'

Yes... the Manager who resigned a while after interviewing me is givnig me a lifeline and this, time, I'm called to go for a second interview, with the Deputy GM of the Department. So...

And oh... with my current company, I suspect there's a mutany going on. My boss acted weirdly against a colleague, kept asking her to 'tell everything that's in her heart' and 'don't keep everything cooped up inside'.

So, I am seriously in confusion of the highest degree.

My life is so in delirium...

Anyone care to give me a break and show me a light at the end of this tunnel?? I'm like travelling in the dark, with no direction in life.

I don't wanna stay in Company A, I want to go to Company B, and I have a responsibility towards Company C.

*If you don't know what I'm talking about, scroll down a bit, and you'll see the definitions of which is what.

I'm confusediscateditionary.

Randomness on a Manic Monday

Yes... my mind's in a semi-charmed state, not because I'm high on something, but becaue it's a friggin Monday hangover.

I hate it when I don't get enough rest on Sunday night. I hate it when my routine is disturbed by something stupid that popped up. And I think I hate it when I force my body to work beyond its comfortable production efficiency.

I can't step on the over-drive for an unlimited amount of time. I need to run on auto-cruise some time...

But that's just how it feels for me currently. I've been on the back-burners and hitting the over-drive button for a wee bit too long. And it's stressful.

I haven't had a real weekend break since like a few weeks ago. Wonderful wedding. A small get-together, a really nice time, and wonderful, glorious fine Italiano food! *F&B Copywriter instincts kick in: 'Twas a delectably delicious fine dining experience laced with the succinct tastes that is authentically Italian in form, function and nature.'

*Now, tell me if I'm good... the clients like it when I write like that, although it means only 1 thing, beefed up with loads of big words...

Oh... Congrats to my bassist, just got married... And I was his accidental wedding singer... hehehe...

Well, that wasn't the initial plan, but we had to make do. We were told that the wedding venue had a Public Address, but when we arrived, we were met with a 'system' that consisted of 2 power-plugs, and 2 chordless mics. Like, when you tell me there's a P.A. system, I expect the least, a 'kuno*' 8 channel system. But I seriously did not expect 1 CD player, hooked up to an Amp, hooked up to 2 mini public speakers that wouldn't even pass for a monitor on my stage.
So, we brought a keyboard and an acoustic guitar to the place, expecting to hook it up conveniently to the system, but in the end, we just mic'ed the thing up using one of the 2 'Made-in-China' chordless M.i.C. that the restauranteers bought from a convenient Pasar Malam**. Luckily the keyboard came with built-in speakers. If it hadn't been this keyboard, we would've had to make do with 1 guitar... And that would be so weird... A planned, grand, garden wedding, the singing reduced to 1 man, strumming ferociously on a guitar so that the entire audience could hear a whiff of a note to sing along in tune...

Gah... enough about the sound system, or lack thereof...

It was a joyous occasion, and it was an experience in itself. Proof that no matter how much effort you put into a wedding, there's bound to be something wrong going on... So don't dream of the perfect wedding... Cause, no matter what you do, someone somewhere is bound to mess up somehow... hahahaha...

Cause a wedding is never really a 2 person thing.. unless you didn't want anything fancy... just a simple ceremony, not even a march-in... Cause the more people you involve, the more chances there are for human error.

But well, in a sense it should be grand, cause you don't do marriage more than once in your entire lifetime.

Thus, we had to make do with what we had. The guy who was supposed to sing alongside me, now had to play the guitar, the guitarist got caught up with traffic and picking up the bride... traversing tricks upon tricks that the bride's entourage concoted up for the groom's buddies, making it hard(er) for the poor guy to get his bride... ahah...

So, a lot of things didn't go to plan... a lot of things were ad-hoc... and the sound system sucked... seriously... sucked...

But nevertheless, we enjoyed the occasion... Bride and groom were happy, and now, they are Husband and Wife...

So nice... :)

And me, after all that hoo-hah, I'm back to the sidious cycle of life... wake up, brush teeth, drive to work, have the same breakfast, use the same amount of money, sit down, blog, read blogs, do sporadic work, read more blogs, go home, bathe, sleep, wake up... you get the idea...

It is that bad... seriously...

*Kuno = Ancient / Back-dated / Out of production
** Pasar Malam = Night Market / Flea Market / Immitation Goods Central

~~~~~~

Post-Script:
If you, my Dear Reader, am not understanding even a bit of what's written up there, do not take it to heart. Cause I can't either after I revisited the post.

It's ok... I'm just a deranged man, trying to crap something up for all my 5 readers...

And as Michele will tell you, I'm a Scatter Brain, thus, my thoughts, recorded in words, would be scattered around the entire piece... that explains why you have to jump around the lines to get where I'm at... Frustrating, I know...