After-Lunch realisations...

Well, actually, there's nothing to realise, but I'm in the office with nothing to do, and my colleagues aren't really around... So it's pretty lonely here at the pit...

So here's something for you guys...

Some of you must be wondering why I call my self SaDdNesZ.jc...

Well, the truth is, I don't know... It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. A good 10 years ago, when I was introduced to the internet, and 'online chatting' (wah, that terminology seems so classical), I chose a nick that represented me in the eyes of my classmates. We would chat on the internet throughout the night, and continue chatting about our chat last night during the day when we met each other in class. I used to be 'zzzz' in IRC back then. And I was a commited citizen of the main Sabahan chatrooms (smallsaints, sungsiew, ttss, and of course, my class' chatroom #8!) I chose that nick because I spent most of my time in class sleeping. (Yes, the teachers were 'THAT' boring.) Imagine having to listen to an emo-influenced Engrish teacher that pronounces Tortoise as 'tore-toise' instead of 'tor-tis' and went on about telling us all the laws of grammar, of what is a noun, a verb, and what is a past-participle. I bloody didn't care! And I cannot muster any respect for someone who claims to be a teacher but can't pronounce some basic Engrish words properly... So I always went to sleep during class, and therefore the nick 'zzzz'... I fair representation of me i reckon... hahahaha

Then came the rejection of my life. I had close encounters with girls throughout secondary school, but it was always (ahem) me who would reject the approaches of girls. Albeit on the grounds of 'I wasn't prepared for a relationship', and 'Besides, my mom wouldn't approve'. So I had a few crushes, which did not come to fruition. And when I mustered the bravery to actually go for a girl when I was in Form 3, I got rejected! The poor girl made it even more difficult for me. She didn't reject me entirely, but said a whole lot of things like, "not now lar", "maybe we should wait a while lar", well, basically, what I told the girls (not that there were many, but still) who made advances on me... A taste of my own medicine lar...

And poor old me, I waited and waited, and hoped, and waited, and hoped, and continued trying until a good 8 months later, I realised that she was going out with another guy. During this 8 months, I lived in utter sadness. Life was so meaningless and since I still had hope for the relationship to start one day, so I started using the nick 'SaDdNesZ'...

I was in such a sorry state until one day when I realised that she was going out with this other dude that plays basketball with me every other week, something snapped in me. And I can still remember my liberalisation was on the July of 1997. hahahaha.... I was so silly back then...

So that's how it came about. SaDdNesZ.

I got to know my current girlfriend about 4 months after my 'liberalisation' and we started dating after a Valentine's Day event organised by some inter-school organisation. And that too was my Form 5 (spell S.P.M) year... hahahaha... me and my major exams...

Then when I came over to West Malaysia for my studies, my church friends introduced me to Counter-strike and we played it as the '.jc' clan... I sucked at CS... I was always the one who rushed into enemy territory only to get killed... but anyhow, the nick stuck...

and today, I've been using it for so long, that I have no intention of getting it changed. My church friends sometimes ask me, Why? Why would I still be in sadness when I have so many things to give thanks about?

But I don't know.

I've been using it for so long...

Ah, well...

You didn't need to know all that... so... why are you still reading??? Shhooo!!!