Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Gloriousness of Hakkaness Lesson 2

The barbaric lesson in Hakkaness part 2:

Verb; Puik Tiok Sat! ~ A phrase that is used during extreme circumstances of coldness to describe ones feelings towards the issue or person.

eg. When you are talking to someone about the price increase and that the government is doing nothing to help the people, you highlight to your friend that the ministers are also doing their part by reducing their entertainment expenses by a couple of hundred bucks per month. Seeing it as total bull-crap, your Hakka friend may choose to exclaim "Puik Toik Sat!" in all its glory as a notion that he does not at all agree with what the newspapers are saying.

If you remember the previous lesson, your Hakka friend might even say, "Puik Tiok Sat, ngi yin vui nga diu jin hae an xxx chun meh, Giu du Emm Seet, Kai du Emm Diong lah!"

Thank you for listening and do stay tuned for our next installment of "For the Benefitting of the Glorious Nation of Hakka-ness.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I don't know...

Call it unwillingness, call it phobia, call it what you want, but I really don't know what to do now...

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I've been thinking...

I haven't been thinking for quite some time now. Maybe it's because of the nature of my work, which is at an executive level whereby I only execute plans as ordered by my boss. But now, it seems that I have restarted to use my brain a bit more. And it's no fun at all. I mean, when I think about things, I really think about things until I don't sleep. Thus, I'm on the physically and mentally tired side of the energy spectrum.

I'm struggling with my vocation. I am struggling with what I want to do with my life. I am struggling with following my heart or my head. I am struggling to make ends meet. I am struggling to put sense into all this. I am struggling to make a decision that will ultimately determine where I will be come 20 years down the road.

I am questioning if God will change His will for me in my life. And why would I have received a 'prophecy' that has so directly challenged what my heart wants to do? Why is it that I have to weigh whether God is moulding me to be this or that? I am questioning that if God is the God of History, then wouldn't He be in the future as well? Cannot be that He will give me a run on a wild-goose chase, and then tell me that He wants me to do exactly what He didn't want me to do?

But then, if feelings were anything to go by, then I would say that I am enjoying doing something that God has said exactly I would not be doing.

If then spirituality were to be adhered to, and if I choose to do what I enjoy, I would be going against God's will in my life?

So many questions, so much confusion.

I am so confused with my situation now that I don't know how to start by telling others. I am suffering from so many complications that I don't even know what is the root of all these problems anymore.

I am in a situation where I cannot see what possibly lies ahead. The waves are crashing in on me, pushing me forward to what seems to be destruction. But then, if I hold on to the promises of God, I know He won't let me down. But then, by the prophecy He has given me, I am going against His will if I continue to do what I enjoy.

I know I've been writing in vague and undefined terms. In time I will be able to reveal all. Just bear with me and listen to this struggling heart.

I just hope that God won't let me struggle for much longer.

I need to see the ray of light at the end of the tunnel.

I need to see hope.

I need to know...

Monday, June 16, 2008

For Benefitting the Glorious Nation of Hakka-ness

We were having dinner one day with friends and since Asians don't know how to have proper meals, a one-and-a-half hour dinner will inadvertently turn into a big fat joke where people will try to degrade others at the table just for laughs sake. If you haven't noticed, the only time Chinese people can have a proper dinner is when tonnes of food are at the table. And that too, most of us will munch down everything that's provided, go home bloated and gluttoned, having demeaned almost everyone at the table either with racist remarks, untastely jokes, or lame remarks.

That's the Malaysian Chinese Dinner Culture.

So, there was dinner. Tonnes of food on the buffet line, and what do the Chinese do? They take a big chunk of everything, gobble it up in 10 minutes, and sit around trying to talk about the sun, moon stars and the sky.

And we were happily being the barbaric Hakka (Hakka is a rather major Chinese dialect) people that we were, we were talking with our usual vulgarity. Don't get me wrong, we do not mean wrong, but we just somehow manage to sound wrong. Even making a joke would sound like we're angry at something.

So the question about a few terms came up like Ngat Chau. Translated literally it means to chew on grass (not that type of grass!) but the real grass. It was meant to be a racist remark where I come from, and many people don't know this because of our local context. From where I come from, boat people from the neighbouring country would always come into the town and create social problems for us. So we would refer to them in the most degrading term we can find. That's how we are; Barbaric. Not all of us think like that now, but it doesn't mean that our grandparents share the same sentiment. So, yeah... That's what Ngat Chau means. It means that these people are so useless and seen upon with such disgust that we refer to them as something that is no better than something that chews on grass.

And I write this just so that people understand our culture. Not that I agree with the use of the word, but I would like for others to know a bit more about our culture.

Then there is Kiu du Mm Seet, Kai du Mm Diong. That's gonna take my whole life to try and translate and contextualise... Ask Victor about it. I don't wanna get involved in this...

Saturday, June 14, 2008

The Un-understandable God?

All of us have a question that we want to ask God the most. Even the person who is an atheist would have something that he must ask someone or, dare I say it, something higher about.

I am at this point in time that even the skeptics will ask whether there is any meaning at all in trusting God.

I know that some of us are debating whether God is real or not. Some are finding it hard to believe that God allows suffering. Some are trying to find ways to trust in God more, and some are just trying to disprove the 'concept' of 'God'.

I always have to challenge myself by taking a good look at the things that only God can make. Like the glorious sunshine, the moon that gives light to the night, but not too bright, the sea that rolls to shore without fail, the creatures that live in it, up to the flower that blooms today and gone tomorrow.

These things man can only imitate.

Most of us who live in the city only see man-made marvels that we tend to forget that there is a God who is greater than anything else. The creator of ALL things, the originator, the Alpha and Omega. The One who is at the beginning and the end.

Then I look at myself and ask, "Why has He called me to the situation I am in right now?"

What is he trying to do? Why give me something, and take it away? Why give me a blessing in disguise, then turn it into an affliction? Why am I serving Him but not much has improved in my life? Why did I sacrifice so much but yet I see no return? Why give me enjoyment in serving Him, but then make it difficult for me at the same time?

I am still at the crossroads. I need an answer. Where shall I go from here?

Thursday, June 12, 2008


It's been sometime now since I've had the time to stay sleepless in KL. But now that my day off is on Monday, and I'm mostly smashed-up over the weekend, I find that I can't take my day offs like I used to. I like to very much not sleep in the night and sleep in till late in the afternoon. But now, since I'm too tired to even stay up for my day off, I find it difficult to do anything that I like.

For instance, I like to cruise on the highway when there are no cars on the road. Somehow it's just a very liberating feeling. Me and my car, no complaints, no one to talk to, no one to take care of, just me and my sports car wannabe. Vroom vroom. Now I can't.

I also like to go to mamak stalls in the middle of the night, sit down and have a warm cup of teh tarik. All by myself. Sometimes, a friend or two would be nice, but most of the time, I'd choose to have it on my own.

Or walks in the silence of the night. Just a casual stroll, feeling the mid-night breeze, trying to gaze into the sky. It just brings about a feeling of peace. That somewhere out there, God is in control. Makes me feel so small, so in need of God. We're being surrounded by man-made things sometimes we forget that God is greater than all these. No one tallest building can compare with the complexity of making a single flower grow and bloom. No satellite in the sky can compare with the profound mystery of how the earth stays in its orbit.

And here I am, sitting in front of a man-made product trying to glorify God. How profound.

And yes, Shaneil, I'm back...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

to the victor, the spoils...

Since each man cannot be perfect, and even if one tries to achieve perfection, one will never be truly perfect in man's eyes. So the underlying question is, why do we even try anyway?

Since everyone has their own perception of what perfection should be, then it is safe to say that if there are 6Billion people in this world, there would be 6Billion differing views on what is perfection.

And if there are so many people who think differently about that same ONE word, then why do we even try to achieve it? and how would we be able to achieve it?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Only 1 Question...

How does a person become perfect when everyone's idea of perfection differs?

Friday, June 06, 2008

Too Much...

It was until today I realised how much this job has taken a toll on me when I failed to know what my wife wanted for her birthday. I have already saw the date coming from a week ago. I wanted to plan for it, I wanted to try and get her something, I cracked my head, and then, until this very evening, I still don't know what she wants. Then it dawned upon me that we have not been spending enough time together. I work during the weekends, she takes her time-off during the weekends. During the weekdays when I am free, she'll be busy with her work.

I have come to realise that I don't know what is her favourite food anymore, I don't know what's her favourite flavour of doughnuts, I don't even know if she still likes secret recipe cakes. In general, all I know equals to about nothing.

This tells me that maybe it is really time to go.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

For Sale: Consolidation

Hear ye, hear ye...

I am hereby putting my old guitars up for adoption by worthy hands. Reason being, I want to buy a new guitar that comes with a built-in pick-up and tuner.

So, who's up for it? Drop me a message in the comments box:
Terms: Highest bidder gets the deal if uncontested after 3 days.

My 1996 Yamaha 6-String F330. Made in Indonesia. Asking price, RM300. Sound is warm and seasoned. Solid top (I think) with verneer back. Minimal bumps and scratches. Original condition; no modifications.

Other views:

My 1998 Yamaha 12-String FG412-12. Made in Taiwan. Asking price RM400. Slightly worn-out frets on the top of the neck and a bulging bridge at the bottom which makes the action slightly higher. A couple of prominent bumps and scratches on top and side.

Other views:

Intelli Chromatic Tuner IMT-900. Clip-on tuner, made in Korea (if I remember correctly). Used for 2 years without problems. Green backlight. Asking price RM50.

All prices negotiable.

Interested, drop a comment and all replies will be through the comment box as well.

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