It's hard, it's cold...

It's IRONY!!!!

Crap happens when you think it couldn't possibly happen.

And it just did...

You know, the interview that I went to a couple of days ago, useless. The Manager who interviewed me, tendered her resignation not long after she met me. Crap...

So, there you have it. Crap Happens... and at the most stupendous times.

Hopes were high... Disappointment even higher...

So... Happy Friday Everyone...

Cheers.

Crap.

Better...

It's a new morning, and it's a beautiful day...

I'm starting to think that maybe sleeping early is a good thing. I fell asleep at around 10.30pm last night, woke up at 5.30am, and I'm feeling refreshed... And the best thing was, I could do so many things in the morning... Laundry, breakfast... and a lot of other things like loitering around, breathing in the fresh(er) air...

Now I understand why people sleep so early at night.

And I am actually quite surprised by the amount of work I got done throughout the morning.

Hmmm...

This beckons a serious consideration.

Well, things are slowly picking up at the office, and the 'barren' spell is supposedly over, and I'm actually enjoying the change of pace.

Well, now... Everyone (all 5 of you readers out there who have been following this poor sad blog) knows that I'm looking for a change in scenery with regards to my job. So, this is how the whole saga is building up towards the end of the year.

It's gonna be exciting... so grab on to your seats.

Scenario A : I'm attached to this current company, A.
Scenario B : I have been in A for a year now, and I want to leave this place. Went for countless interviews
Scenario C : I went for an interview with Company B on Tuesday.
Scenario D : Interview went well, but no clear indication of an offer; will get back to me in 2 weeks.
Scenario E : I have agreed to lead a team of Musicians to Kota Kinabalu in early December for a church Youth Camp
Scenario F : Camp will require me to take 1 week off (equals to 5 working days).
Scenario G : I have only 4.5 days left in my Annual Leave Allocation; possibly need half day Unpaid/Advanced Leave
Scenario H : There will be an All Expenses Paid Company Trip to Koh Samui end of November
Scenario I : I don't have a passport, and it costs RM500 to get one, plus it would possibly take 1 month's time to make.
Scenario J : I don't have RM500!!
Scenario K : Travelling to Youth Camp will also cost about RM500, I am going by faith that God will provide me on this.
Scenario L : Again, I don't have RM500
Scenario M : I will need to 'beg' for Boss A to let me go in December, and am prepared to resign if not given permission
Scenario N : But if Company B comes in for me, then I will not need to 'beg' Company A, and tell B it's been pre-arranged
Scenario O : I am also holding out on an offer for working with Company C, a friend's place
Scenario P : If I'm working with Company C, then there will be no problems at all
Scenario Q : But Company C might not need me as early as December. It could be as late as February.
Scenario R : I am in for a (insignificant) raise and (potentially non-existant) bonus if I stay at Company A
Scenario S : I will be getting a significant pay raise if Company B offers me something, but no Bonus

Solution A : I tell Company A about my passport dilemma and choose not to go to Company Trip
Problem A : But the Company Trip and my Youth Camp dates are only a few days apart. Thus, it will be difficult to get my leave approved.

Solution B : I tell the company about my plans for the Youth Camp, get them to plan the Company Trip to coincide with Youth Camp dates
Problem B : But what if Company B comes in for me within 2 weeks time? Then I would have made them alter their travel plans for nothing; leaving a sour taste in the mouth.

Solution C : Resign first, talk later. Solves Problem A and B, creates Problem C.
Problem C : Well, the biggest problem would be finding a job. Year-end, employment market, dead.

Hypothesis A : What if boss in Company A lets me take leave, and I get to join both the Company Trip and the Youth Camp.
Conclusion A : Far-out, not gonna happen, dream on... Besides, if that happens, I would be RM1,000 poorer...

Life is filled with problems...

Sien...

Winding down on a Long Day

Well, I'd be crapped...

Today was a long and arduous day...

I slept quite late yesterday as a result of Music Team Practise at night. Was tempted to go watch Champs League but couldn't risk dying because of over-exhaustion and lack of sleep.

Woke up before 5pm to fetch my sis to the airport. I drove all morning...

Came back to find my girlfriend vomiting, brought her to see the doctor, waited so long at the clinic for some dodgy uncle+aunti couple to walk out gingerly; suspected food poisoning.

Brought her back to rest, rushed off for work, got a call from her mom, asking more about her condition.

Later, got word she's got a neighbour to accompany her to the Clinic to get a jab because she keeps vomiting whatever that goes into her stomach. Medicine, useless.

Then stuff at work kept pilling up. Got involved in a heated debate with a long-time friend over MSN about church stuff in between all the work and the worrying.

Only at the end of the day, 1 hour before closing time, I get to sit down and do some snaking...

Bah...

Attacked...

Gah!!!

I'm not making sense am I?

My thoughts are still all over the place...

sigh...

...

Oh, hello...

Didn't notice you were here until... erm.. you moved your cursor over the interphase.

Ah, so what can I do you for today?

Need a quick fix?

Oh...

Want some sugar with that?

Any fries to go?

No?

Yes?

Sure. No problem. I'll get on that right now.

How's about trying out our new specials?

It's really good for you...

Oh... On a reduction scheme huh?

So how's the kids?

Great!

Good to know you're having fun.

Have a nice day.

Cirio...

Everything Happens for a Reason...

I'm sure it does.

I don't know why yet, but I am pretty sure that everything does happen for some particular reason. Whether it's divine intervention, or human stupidity, everything that happens in this world surely has got a reason of its own.

It's just that we don't know why.

And sometimes, we try to put a reason behind everything, only to find out that it's for all the wrong reasons.

*Have I lost you yet?*

Say... I've met with opposing schools of thoughts that beg to differ that Man is the only creature on earth who knows how to emote. Well, if you do believe in the theory that Man is made out of Body, Mind and Soul. Your Body is the physical, in which physical things are done, like caring for a friend, or killing someone. The Mind is the fuel that powers these actions, thinking up creative ways to do things with/using the Body. And the Soul is the spirit within that makes us feel happiness, sadness, and to a certain extent emptiness.

Now, the stumbling block come when we try to put reason onto such things. So, we reason that the Body is needed because we do live on a physical world. If we are not made up of mass, then we simply can't grab hold of a cup of water to drink. And that applies to everything living or dead. Creature or creation, we are made up of some form of physical embodiment.

Then, the Mind supposedly controls the body. In which, only living things like Man, dogs, and other agile and moving creatures supposedly have. Trees are not included in this group, because trees simply stay there, absorb nutrients from the ground, and grow... Have you seen a tree that runs away from the forest because of fear? Well, the line for this category has been seemingly blurred because Man has tried to categorise the agile/moving creatures into groups, according to its capacity of the Mind. So, we place ourselves as a little bit higher than the rest of the free-moving creatures on earth...

And the Soul, which a few humans claim that only we have is the most problematic of such definitions. Some believe that the soul is the essence of life which separates man from animals. And that is the existence of the soul may also apply in animals.
Well, to address this issue, we have to either take on the Darwinian view of Evolution, or to disprove and deny it. If indeed we were evolved from apes, and we are on the top of the food chain because of out superior mental capacity, then you would have to take it that EVERY living creature has a Soul. But if you refuse to believe that we are just a little better off than the common ape, that we are on top of the food chain because we are made differently from the beginning of time, then, Darwin, to you is just another crapper whose delusions have cheated more than half of the world for a very significant amount of time!

So, what about the common dog that seems to know how to emote? That they know how to demand for attention? or tell you by indicating to you that it wants to crap? Or that they have this superior ability to know that you are on your way home even if you're a good 5 miles away, just starting your car from your office parking lot? Paranormal?

A lot of us out there do not deny that we have the ability to emote, but quite a big amount of people are quick and ready to defend the view that animals, like the common dog, has also this ability. And because of that, we believe that dogs have a soul too. But do they? And if dogs have a soul because it can seemingly do all those things to interact with humans, then does it make the dog any better off than a dingo out in the wild? or the rats which share a similar strain of genetic structure as us? Over even insects?

*Oh, don't give me the "How do you know? You've never tried to interact with a bug before", notion.

So, then, prove it to me that you can interact with a bug. Or get your dog to accomplish a task that it has never been taught how to do, just like you can ask a little girl to get you a certain tool from your tool box by just expressing yourself on how the tool looks like. If you have a dog or a bug that has the mental ability of a 3 year old girl, then I rest my case.

But as of now, I would like to just put it into such a context, that we think animals have a Soul simply because we try to put reason into our dog's behaviour. Yes, some dogs have the ability to act 'humanly'. They seemingly have the ability to beg for your attention by doing things that humans also do to get the same, and they seemingly can emote as well. But does that prove the existence of a Soul in the dog?

Well, the more common rebuttal would be to ask yourself, "Have you ever seen a dog set-up a shrine for its dead friend?" Or a dog showing remorse for taking a chunk off your Jimmy Choos?

*And don't give me that crap whereby, "Maybe they have, just that you've never seen it, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist"

Well, I think that this issue comes up as a result of us trying to put a reason into everything. And thus, when a dog whines at the appropriate time, then you try to put a reason to it. And when you start putting reasons to things that are just pure coincidental, then it makes the issue non-coincidental! And you have a 'reason' to believe that dogs do have a soul, and because of that, there's Dog Heaven. Funny, why there hasn't been any 'Sloth Heaven' or 'Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches Heaven'?

So, in such a short rant, I have tried to disprove the simple existence of a soul in animals...

TGIF...??

Now, let's just say that this week passed by 'just-like-that'...

It does seem that time is moving faster and faster, and all the clocks over the world are in on it. It's a plot agaisnt the human race I tell you... Our creation, the clock, the time keeper, is now silently organising a rebellion against us!!! Gah!!!

My goodie goodness, this week was just:

Struggle to Wake Up - Work - Chat at the Office - Have Dinner - Go Home - Sit Down a while - Fix Pipes - Sleep - Struggle to Wake Up - Work - Chat at the Office - Have Dinner - Go Home - Sit Down a while - Fix Pipes - Sleep - Struggle to Wake Up - Work - Chat at the Office - Have Dinner - Go Home - Sit Down a while - Fix Pipes - Sleep - Struggle to Wake Up - Work - Chat at the Office - Have Dinner - Go Home - Sit Down a while - Fix Pipes - Sleep - Struggle to Wake Up - Work - Chat at the Office - Have Dinner - Go Home - Sit Down a while - Fix Pipes - Sleep - Struggle to Wake Up - Work - Chat at the Office - Have Dinner - Go Home - Sit Down a while - Fix Pipes - Sleep - Struggle to Wake Up - Work - Chat at the Office - Have Dinner - Go Home - Sit Down a while - Fix Pipes - Sleep...

Exactly like that...

And suddenly, I find myself waking for work for the last time this week.

And I am not sure whether it's a good thing or not.

Let's just say that it's good because I couldn't really feel the speed of time that's passing me by. But in retrospec, that's not necessarily a good thing.

I'm so deluded and confused. Maybe I'm just a confused kid.

Well, yeah...

I guess that's it for now.

As from this time forth, the only thing that's keeping me sane is what am I going to have for dinner tonight.

Crappage:

I've been saying/using quite a lot of the word 'Crap' lately... I wonder if it's proper...

I mean, when I get something wwrong, I go 'Crap!'...

and when I meet with something that needs an exclamation, I scream 'Crap!'

then, if something unexpected comes up, I exclaim, 'Crap!' again!

I see injustice on the side of the road, I'll think, 'Crap, that guy's had it hard.'

I find a dead dog on the road to work, I go 'Crap, that stinks!'

Or I wanna go to relieve myself in the toilet, I'll say to the guy I'm chatting with, "Crap, I need to go crap. BRB"

There's so many uses and intentions for the word Crap that I should patent it and make a drink out of it, make loads of crappy money and be a crappy businessman, who drives a crappy car, with a crappy exhaust, who says 'Crap' a lot!!!

"Waiter! Where's my cup of crappucino? Crap..."

Beta Version??

Well, a couple of days back, I got word why I can't disturb people with my comments. That's because these bunch of bloggers have been subscribing to the beta version of blogger, which uses gmail, which is tied up to google, which keeps a log of who you are, what sites you're going to, and basically harvests your identity for its future use, should that be deemed necessary at that time.

That's right. Consolidate everything you have on cyber space into Google Inc. Go and put everything under 1 name, 1 account, and 1 provider. When google fails one day, you might as well be dead.

Well, whatever lah, I'm just trying to be paranoid.

But don't think that as long as you don't go searching for hanky panky on your computer *which means you should do it on someone else's*, you'll be fine. You must also know that google can also be hacked, and one fine day, everything you do in darkness may be splashed all over the internet.

Which takes me to this point. You may live your life holy and blameless before God and man, but 1 sorry mistake, and you may end up a villain for life.

That's the beauty and also the ugly face of life.

You may be soaring high in your career, doing well in the family, getting along with your friends, and then suddenly, someone may take one of your conversations saved up in the vast and growing recesses of Google Inc., and quote you out of context. And the next thing you know, you're a Sado-Maso-Dude that's been doing perverse things over the internet which may include flirting with minors, and other stuff.

So, now, why is it said that blogger beta, using your gmail account to log in, is a more secured connection again?

Great....

Just Great...

Sometimes I seriously doubt Malaysia's ability to make it (or even fake it) as a Modern Country.

They say that in a team, you are only as strong as the weakest link. It makes sense. Let's look at a chain you use to lock your bicycle outside the house. Say you have 10 rings to the chain, and 9 of them are made of cast-iron, and one in the middle of the chain is made of plastic. So, all you need to imagine is what will happen when you give the chain a good tug.

So, who are the weakest links in Malaysian society?

Let's talk about education:
The last time my bosses sent out word that there's a vacancy at the office, there was this guy who got a degree in Artificial Intelligence from a Local Uni, who was currently wiping tables at a Pizza Joint, asking for an RM800/month for a Receptionists' Job. Poverty Line in Klang Valley stands at RM1500/month. Graduate in A.I....

Let's talk about thoughfulness:
High powered executives, walking to their offices in their 'high-powered' swagger, not being able to see the poor lady who is mopping the floor, walking on the exact spot where the lady just mopped over. Cant you walk by the side of the wet floor so that the lady doesn't have to mop away your high-powered filth off the floor she just mopped 2 seconds ago? You and your walk is more important than the stupid floor eh? And you will be the first to complain if you see the floor is not properly cleaned.

Let's talk about conveniences:
"Indiscriminate Parking" Does the phrase even exist in the Malaysian Vocabulary? You park your car on the side of a busy road, haphazardly, and when you return to find a dent on the side of your car, you blame the driver who accidentally bumped into the side of your car because he/she was avoiding something else on the road, ie. haphazardly parked cars on the other side of the road... hhhmmm...

Let's talk about cleanliness:
I know rubbish bins are dirty, and you don't want to have anyhting to do with them, but that doesn't justify why you have to avoid lifting the lid and throwing your rubbish on the side of it instead of into it. And it's common to meet a car driving nonchalantly on the North-South Highway, the pride of SamyV, the bloodline of Malaysian Transportation, with windows wide open, throwing rambutan husks out of the windows in synchronised motion, from all four sides.

Let's talk about civic duty:
I know it's sometimes hard, you lead a hard life, you haven't had anything given to you except maybe free education until doctorate level at local universities, whereby you pay like RM1,500 per semester and other *more deserving tards* have to fork out RM15,000 per month to get that same degree, but from Australia/UK, and you come out and say that because you've worked so hard for your degree, you should be given a managerial level job, income and benefits? Like isn't it about time you took a raincheck and contribute back to the society that fed you through all those years of education bestowed on you? Do something.. anything that contributes to the GDP of the country instead of sitting there waiting for someone to match your salary expectations, while eating off your father's hard-earned money.

Let's talk about safety:
We are putting our lives on the line whenever we walk around because those who are supposed to keep us safe from snatch thieves are paid a 'deserving' RM650/month, whereby the poverty line is arounf RM1,500/month. Which makes me wonder, whether they are underpaid to risk their lives, or overpaid to sit around. No wonder a lot of cases go unsolved, unreported, and missing. Now I don't blame the force for harassing poor Bangladeshis to wash their cars for them. How to pay for car washes when you're on RM650/month??

Let's talk about civilisation:
People jumping queue when boarding one of the world's most advanced mass transport system. Or spitting onto the steps of the escalator because spitting on the shiny marble floor will tarnish the aesthetics of the place. Or spoilt taps and toilet seats at automatic, self-flushing toilets that probably costs a bomb to install. Nuff-sed.

Let's talk about efficiency:
It takes less than 3 years to build a 3-block, 20-storey apartment complex, and it takes 6 months for someone to take a rubber stamp, open the ink pad, stamp on ink pad, proceed to stamp on paper, and sign for effect so that the buyers of the said apartment complex can get started with moving in. I have heard that the proccess actually gets faster if 'incentives' are included.

Let's talk about US:
What are we doing to help ease/worsen these issues? We just blog about it, bask in our glory that our minds can churn up such great intelligence, bask in the prowess of our powers of observation, and we forget about it soon enough.

ah, well...

Monday Blues

Yes, folks, it's Monday again...

It seems that the curse of Mondays past never fails to haunt every working adult.

Every Monday, you wake up to a grudge match between will-power and feelings. The moment you open your eyes, and your mind starts to crank into motion, your first thought will inadvertently be "Crap... why did I wake up?"

Then you go into a self-debate of whether to sleep in for a while longer and arrive a bit late, OR sleep in for the entire morning and call in sick, OR wake up this instant so that you will be at work on time.

Then you start weighing the factors:

If I sleep in for a little while longer, I can still cheat the system a little and arrive slightly past my office hours.

If I sleep in for the entire morning, then I will need to go prove to the doctor that I am indeed not feeling too well.

If I wake up now, ArRGgGGhhHHh... I don't wanna wake up now...

And you go back to sleep with a slightly dark hope that your alarm will not ring after you've snoozed it for the umpteenth time.

And then, all of a sudden, you find yourself waking up, brushing your teeth, and washing your face in hope that you could still remain asleep while doing all that.

Apparently, there's an urban legend that some people are able to drive to the LRT stations, pay their parking fees, walk up the stairs to the platform, board the LRT, and arrive at their stations while half asleep.

I sure wish I could do that.

bah...

It's gonna be such a long day ahead...

And last Friday's proclaimed Day of Procrastination... it's gonna snowball to tomorrow... until the big blob of snow engulfs me and kills me...

*Crap, I'm having suicidal thoughts...

*Crap... I said Crap again...

It's Friday!!

It's pathetic that I am coutning down the days as my blog topics...

Well, first things first, I just somehow can't seem to be able to comment of other people's blogs. It's always Error 405... whatever that means.

There must be something wrong.

But, hey, it's a Friday, and I am not going to complain.

So, there's been this catch on my back, my wrist, and my neck for the past two days. The problem with these things, is that I can still function normally, but it's niggling and it's annoying. I wonder why, but I haven't been able to sleep well for the past few days. I wnder if the catch's got anything to do with it. I am tired at the end of the day, and I am sure I need to sleep. But somehow, it's just not happening for me.

So, tonight is Friday night, and I have no solid plans yet. I do have a few things that I need to do, but that can wait... I also have a few responsibilities that need to be attended to, but that too, can wait.

I've been assigned a job, a long and ardous one, but I'm not rushing it, cause it can wait.

I think everything can wait.

hhhmmm...

I proclaim this day, the Day of Procrastination!

yea!

Rush, rush, Rush...

I know, we live in the city, and life is both challenging and demanding...

But sometimes, I just can't put my logic behind someone who rushes for something that's just sitting there.

This morning, I was met with a long queue at the LRT station. The trains were slow in coming and people started to get restless. I wasn't rushing to the office as I am always early. I need to drop off my girlfriend at her office before 8.30am, and my office hours start at 9.30am. So I have a good 1 hour to traverse the 20 minutes worth of the LRT ride everyday.

So, this morning, it was raining and the lines were packing up at the platforms. the wretched trains never come quick enough as it were.

So this lady, whom I presume is a lawyer, with her big leather bag, the one that most lawyers carry around, was trying to vent her frustration at something, anything! She came with her massive bag that made this rumbling sound as the wheels of the bag rolled against the floor, and she parked the bag just behind me.

The queue was long, and the first train came. It was packed to the brim. A few passangers struggled to get out, whilst the people in front of me in the queue tried to cramp in. The doors started to close and the train was full, well, apparently, not full enough for Ms. Lawyer here... "Oi, still got lots a space wah!" was what came out of her mouth. She was already parallel with me in the line now, pushing me towards the 'side' of the queue.

I didn't make a sound, nor did I want to look at her.

Then the next train came in less than 2 minutes, and because everyone rushed into the previous train, this one came with ample space for everyone. It wasn't full at all, no more seats, but lots of standing space. That was apparent from the outside, looking in.

But Ms. Lawyer here, was apparently rushing off to somewhere. And she rushed in to the front of the queue as soon as the train opened its doors, trawling her bag against the legs of unsuspecting commuters who want to get onto the same train.

Maybe she was afraid that she will not have enough space for her to plonk her humongous bag. Maybe she's rushing to court, or maybe she's just in the 'rushing mode'.

Whatever it was, the train had ample space, and if she rushed in because she was afraid there won't be space for her bag, then shewould probably need spectacles, and some common manners.

If she rushed in because she's rushing to court, then she is must have mistaken the train for an escalator, because however fast she gets on the train also, everyone arrives at the same station at the same time.

If she is just in her 'rush-mode' then I would like to know why, she would want to rush when it is so apparent that there's nothing to rush for?

A lot of our failings in life have come from a lack of foresight. I mean, no one knows what will happen in the future, but there are certain things that are a surety! Like in this case. You rush into the train, make snide and sarcastic remarks at the failings of the system, rubbing off some anger and hatred into those who are around you, and you arrive at the same station at the same time as everyone else!

What for??

Free??

Well, they say the best things in life are FREE!!!

*Pardon me, I have been programmed to write the word 'FREE' in all caps by my botmaster*

Ah, back to the subject.

So, the best things in life ar FREE, supposed to be...

So, there was this funny thing that I meet everyday to and from the office. If you haven't noticed, I take the LRT to downtown KL to work. And every other morning, I will be greeted by someone trying to sell an idea, a product, or something fishy. Well, most of the time, it's something fishy.

I wonder why these people are given the freedom to 'cheat' people into buying into the idea that there's profit in doing nothing. I always take a pass on this familiar guy/girl that stands at the end of the escalators to hand out a flyer with a big smiley on one side, and information on how to earn more than RM2,000 per month at home!

Now, common sense tells me that if it's too good to be true, then it probably is.

Now, the problem with this is that there are now more and more people doing the same thing. It used to be the LRT station near my office. Now, there's a fella trying to pass me the same leaflet for the umphteenth time at the station where I park my car!!!

Well, that's one issue.

And now, what's worse is, there's a hoard of nicely groomed people, in suits, ties and a never-say-die attitude manning the turnstills of the station. Apparently, they have been programmed to pick on those who's demographics look like they are either gullible or earn a large amount of money. I've been given the pass from this bunch for obvious reasons. I wear t-shirts and jeans to work. But today, I was seriously tempted to stop and ask them, "Why are you doing this? What's in it for you?"

Seriously, these aren't stupid people, neither do they look like those who are gullible and can be easily cheated. But why are they doing this? It is obviously a scam, well, at least I feel that it's a scam.

This has to do with ethics, and sad to say, a lot of us in Malaysia are finding it hard to balance between living a hard ethical life compared to throwing ethics onto the back seat, and earn as much as you can while you still can.

Life in the Big City is simple. Either you throw ethics away, and try to earn every cent possible, or you keep your ethics and suffer. And the problem with us, humans, is that our nature is always to have things 'easy'. We work so hard when we are young because we want to have an easier life when we're old. But some of us want to work 5 years, and spend the next 50 years lazily.

So, a lot of us are more than prepared to ditch our ethics, in search for riches.

And once we reach our 'target' of earning 'my first million by the age of 27', we take a step back, and we worry about why society is on the decline. We are alarmed at the crime rate, the rapists that are so rampant out there, and the amount of snatch thefts that are featured on the local dailies.

And somehow, we fail to realise that we contributed to such things by letting our moral values decline.

Aduh..

I haven't been able to sit down and think up funny stuff to write about, nor have I been able to sit down and think of anything lately.

For the past few weeks, all I am concerned with, all I have been concerned with, has been reading up on my 'prescribed readings' for both the Music Team and the Alpha Course. Both are church things.

So, maybe you can say that I've been very 'churchful' for the past few weeks.

But that's just that.

I'm reading, and understanding, but as of now, nothing's been provoking.

As of now, I'm just sitting here at the office, vegetating.

My mind's constantly wandering off to places that only it knows of...

Well, this is another crappy post brought to you by the most unlikely blogger...

Bah

Tuesdays are always better...

Ah...

It's same old me again.

I am getting a funny feeling that all my 5 readers are starting to get bored with my monotony.

Well, you can't blame me, in a sense... I see the same ol' people at the office, same ol' people at the house, same ol' gang at football, same ol' friends here and there.

Writer's Block perhaps?

Erm.. wait... I'm not blocked, it's just that life has gotten mundane. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Bah.

You know it already is...

Yeap, it's a Monday... and certain people are looking forward to seeing me ranting about Mondays...

Ah... But I am very well known to be a killjoy... muahahahaha...

Actually, I've been busy with a few things recently, and I have less time to think about myself. Thus, the lack in intellectually stimulating posts on this poor blog of mine.

Work has been 'ok'... Bland... nothing much to shout about...

Migrains are here for a while, and gone later...

Flab is ever existent...

And there's so much to do...

Migrain...

bah..

I think I know why I get my morning migrains...

It's the freaking air-conditioning freezing my medula-oblongata... That's why...

The migrain's been gone for a few days since I lowered (erm... highered?) the air-conditioning in my car, and I have steered clear of any direct hit from the blowers in the LRT.

But today, I was standing right under the airflow, and I had the air-conditioning on my head for a good half an hour. Now I'm getting it...

Sheesh...

I need something hot to my head... And I mean inside it... not to my face...

saddistic...

I'm sad...

Well, maybe that's because I choose to be... *refer to nick/pen name

Ah, the thing about me sometimes is that I just refuse to be happy. I wonder why. I seriously wonder WHY...

There are people in this world who seem to refuse happiness even when it's at their doorstep.

Negativity. It's all over the place. It's splattered over the news, all over the floor, in society, and the best is, it's not going to go away. That's why, whenever I see something like a celebrity's getting married getting the front page news, I would thank God for a peaceful yesterday.

A little yeast works through a big batch of dough. Seriously. A little bit of bad news will work through the entire fabric of society in no time.

But that still doesn't explain why so many people choose to be negative in both thought, word and deed. Wait.. that's three...

heh.

I mean, some people just like to wallow in self-made pity, that 'I am never given anything good in life', or that 'I have never had anything given to me', or even 'I'm so bad that nobody even cares a little bit about me' when they are by themselves.

Remember, this is SELF-MADE... We tend to always look at thing from a bad perspective. We drive a lousy car because we keep comparing ourselves with the people who drive a big and luxurious saloon. We have a lousy job because we always compare ourselves with those who tell you how much they enjoy theirs, over the television... We have a lousy life because we always see the good sides of our Hollywood photoshoped neighbours at their very best.

We always compare ourselves to those who are more 'fortunate' than us!!!

So, what's the fun of comparing yourselves to 'better' people only to make yourself jealous, pitiful, spiteful, and sad??

puik.

It's weird being a human being

Well, for one, I am indeed human, and I have emotions.

Funny, sometimes, however hard we tell ourselves, "Do not be consumed by your own emotions," we still inevitably do!

Well, the biggest mistakes of our lives would have mostly came from our inability to control our emotions. .No matter who we are, there has to be a moment in your lifetime where you are still silently suffering with a tinge of regret that maybe, on that particular day, you shouldn't have let your emotions got the better of you.

But then, we are made to be emotional beings. Most of our our quests for God/godliness partially stems from our emotion of guilt, sinfulness, imperfection, and other things related to the not-so-logical side of our being.

We seek love because we are emotionally in need. We seek for attention because we are have an emotional need.

And thus, we have got to be controlled by our own emotions.

But then, a lot of things, in my honest opinion, stems from ourselves and our inability to think logically. Sometimes, we let ourselve get caught in our own emotions because we made an illogical step towards making ourselves vulnerable. I'm not saying that we should always build a wall *Hiresh* around our lives, but sometimes, we have to take into consideration that we are indeed at fault for some choices that we make in our lives based on illogical emotions.

A friend always tell me to hold things back a while before I blurt it out, so that when my emotions calm down, I can revisit the issue with a more objective mind. Good advice, I say.

Many a time, I have found myself in a position whereby I have revisited my drafted emails, or blog posts, and say to myself, "Thank God I didn't send that out!"

bah...

*Builds Wall...

When there is no end...

People say that the most terrifying thing in life is the inevitable unknown.

Since the beginning of time, man have tried and tried to find out where we would end up 'in the end'.

And a few weeks ago, as I was asked 'Do you see yourself doing this until your dying day?' I was left slightly traumatised.

Seriously, I do not know where I am headed.

I still can't see 'the end'.

And then, suddenly, I find myself lost... without passion, without direction, without any ambition whatsoever.

I am merely existing...

just...

Mondays...

In a sense, I had a good weekend.

But that doesn't stop me from kicking up a fuss about Monday... Cause Mondays are just crap...

The roads and parking lots are still very empty, I wonder why. By right, it's the end of the holidays, and everyone's supposed to be back at work, but this morning, I went to the normal parking lots near the LRT station, and to my surprise, there were still A LOT of space. Like... why?? Suddenly everyone decided to park somewhere else? Is the parking lot accursed?

Ah, well a bigger shock came up when I was escalated up to the LRT platforms: There was NO QUEUE!!

I mean, what the heck... It's supposed to be a working day, and everyone's not going to work? Something must be wrong...

Ah, well, more misery awaited me at the office. A colleague came in late, another's gone... Oh, I think I have yet to tell you guys that the colleague who made the RM56K mistake resigned... Well, that's good riddence in my honest opinion. I had to be EXTRA careful with her work. Everytime she changes something on the artwork, sure some part of the copy will go missing. I don't know why, but she manages to mess things up even though it's just taking out the 's' from 'Informations'.

Well, another colleague's probably on Medical.

Bosses aren't in yet, and there's a slow ambience at the office in general. I'm pseudo-enjoying it at the moment, but I know there's gonna be stuff that needs to be done. ... ... ... later... hehehehehe...

As for the holidays, I think it was indeed refreshing, but then, I find myself starting to lose focus on what I want. I am again finding myself being drawn into the rat race. A mindless existance. A meaningless life...

You see, I am on the brink of changing my career, and the only thing that I am waiting for, is the confirmation of 'when'.

But I can't go into it yet, unless I see 'the end'... As of now, I can't see myself doing something until my dying day. I just can't... For some unknown reason, I still cannot find my life's calling.

Ah, I think that's enough of thinking before I start to wallow in self-made pity and depression.

bah...

Faithfulness...

If there's the one thing that you would have me name as the most lethal, silent killer of society today, I would say, "A Lack of Faithfulness".

We have been made into a society that consumes things. We consume goods and services, and we provide them as well. Friends are not just friends, but potential customers, and potential suppliers. You make friends with the person who will surely give you something good.

It's business, some say. Purely business.

I am not bound by anything as long as I don't owe you anything.

So, the same goes for relationships and other things. Relationships with your partner, your spouse, are tense because both of you tend to 'consume' each other's good points, and we are more than vocal in asking your 'service provider' to de-bug according to your, the customer's, satisfaction.

In the end, whether you and your partner 'clicks' or not, depends on whether the fella can step-up and meet your needs.

If the poor fella cannot... then it's end of the story, and you go to find someone who can fulfil your needs... afterall, you're paying with your life as it were.

So, when does this choosing end? Marriage? Or when you're too old and tired to hop around?

Or death?

Or never??