Influence...

People have the power to influence people. There's this theory that a normal person has, in his normal lifetime, the ability to influence directly or indirectly about 200 person's lives. I forgot who said that, and where the fella got his facts, but let's just assume it's credible, and that we really get to influence about 200 hundred people in our lives. So, how do you go about doing it?

What's in a day?

There's too much hype about birthdays around here, I tell ya...

It's this date 26 years ago I gave my mother the greatest pain and inconvenience ever.

So, what's so special that everyone needs to celebrate the day whereby they were born? If you were someone special, and people thank God for your existence, then it's justifiable. But then, if your friends celebrate your birthday with you just because everyone has it, and it'll seem weird if you don't get it, then that's just sad...

But then, I'm just writing this because I can afford to write it. Not because I'm feeling depressed or something, but that, just sometimes, birthdays are over rated. To me, birthdays are just another day with all the responsibilities of that day, whichever day it chooses to fall on. So, today's my birthday, but I still have to come to work. I can't take a break because of work responsibilities, and neither should I. So what if I was born this day? There's still a job to be done, there are still responsibilities to handle, life still goes on. It's still another Saturday, with all the busy-ness of all the Saturdays past, present and future. So what if it falls on a Monday? I'd still need to do what I need to do on Mondays. The same for Tuesdays...

However, with all that's been said and done, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those who have given me the wonderful and sincere birthday wishes; I know that you guys still think about me, and I appreciate that you kept a memory of when my birthday is. I would also like to thank the mini-celebrations that you guys held for me, complete with cake and all that. I would also like to thank my parents who's been looking after me even after so long.

But then, I'll have to apologise that sometimes, I would forget that it's your birthday. Simply because I don't think that birthdays are THAT special. Maybe it's my upbringing, that everyday is a day to be cherished, and as long as you're there with me everyday, then I'll cherish your fellowship. I don't wanna take note of your birthday but have never done anything for you in your daily life.

So... Happy birthday to me...










and Sir Paul Johns... ahahahahaha

Defiance...

Defy / Defiance : To make a statement that says, "Hey, I'm not afraid of you."

That's what I'm doing with my sickness now. I'm still going to work and all that, going to colleges and supporting cell groups amidst my fever and weakened state. I want to tell the forces of evil that no matter what, when i am still capable, I will do it.

Reason being, that as long as the world keeps turning, there are people dying. And as long as time is running, the work of God is there to be done. If I don't work, then it means that I have lost out on an opportunity to experience life together with the people of God. If I had missed a fellowship gathering, I'd have missed out on influencing someone's life. If I had not defied the laws of sickness and pain and went up to Nilai last night, I wouldn't have met a new friend, and possibly miss out on blessing this new friend with words of encouragement, or even being encouraged by him.

So... Sometimes, defiance is good... provided you know exactly why you're doing it.

At last...

After about 9 years of exile, I have turned myself in to the Doctor's Clinic last night.

I was down with a fever since Sunday night, and i spent the entire day of Monday battling it out, hoping that my body will react to it and it'll wear off. But as of last night, I was convinced that only a jab in the butt will do the trick, so I went to the clinic nearby and got my butt cheek punctured. My girlfriend was so proud that she was part of this 'end of my defiance' that she warranted a special mention in this blog. So here it goes:

My girlfriend finally got me to see the doctor after a good 9 years of persuading and pushing and concern.

Well, truth be told, I seriously haven't been to a doctor's ever since I left Form 5 in 1998. I have always battled flu, coughs and my annual period of sickness on pharmacy prescriptions. I would buy at leat 2 packs of 4Litre Orange juice from Carrefour to battle flu and running nose, then strepsils for the sore throats, and Tussils 5 for coughs. The only thing that I can't battle alone is fever. And this time, after an entire day of battle without respite, I gave in. I went to the doctor's and she prescribed me a few pills, antibiotics and all, and by the end of the consultation, she asked, you want a jab? I said yeah, I want to recover faster.

So, there I was, lying on my side, and got myself a jab on my right cheek. Straight after, my right leg was a bit numb but mostly it was on the wobbly side.

So that was my entire ordeal of my first visit to the Doctor's in 9 years. There, I've broken my defiance of seeing a doctor. Happy now?

I Slept

And slept and slept...

It's refreshing to say the least. I realised that it's been a few months since I have slept without knowing that I had to wake up to something the next day.

For everyday since before Chinese New Year I had to wake up to something every day, and this Monday, I just slep, and slept, and slept... I still haven't been to any place that's recreational yet, but I'm planning to do something next monday, or the next... gosh, I haven't been doing anything pruposefully slow lately... hhmmm...

So now, I feel refreshed, and I think a few other sessions of such rest will get me back on my feet once again...

Spent...

Like I said in my previous post, the emptiness continues.

I know it's caused by a lack of rest, and I am indeed dead tired now. And when I'm tired, I lose all motivation to work. Not because I don't want to work, but just because I have no energy to go on. I seriously feel like an empty vessel now. I have just lost the determination to do anything. I keep telling myself, "But the show must go on..." and I find myself debating within. The mind tells me that I must do it, but the heart finds it heavy...

I think all I need is some encouragement, and a whole lot of rest. I haven't had a decent day off in about 2 months, and my request to get it changed doesn't affect me at all. Still I get called to do this or that... It's either things from the office, or a weird call from somewhere for something that's totally out of the blue.

I seriously think that I've hit rock bottom this time. I want to crawl back up, but the spirit is weak. my head says that I must go on, but the spirit is dragging me down.

I must go on... I know it's not by might of men, nor by sheer will power that I do all things, but by the spirit of God... I am willing, but I seriously feel that I just do not have any more to give... I am empty... I am tired... I just want some time where I can just sit down alone and not think about anything.

Maybe I'm blaming my non-existent day off too much. Maybe it's something else. I can only wonder...

I'm tired...

And I mean it...

I've gotten my day-off changed, but still, I am not getting any real rest. And I'm dying...

Physically, I feel like a stone. Immovable, hard to break, and really stubborn.

Mentally, I feel drained. This morning, while I was sitting at the throne on my own, all I could feel was a deep emptiness in me. I still feel it while I'm writing this. I am working on my jobs at hand, but yet, I feel empty. Like I'm a used vessel, the water in which I used to contain has been drained out of me, and I now feel as if I have nothing in me left. I guess even a giant like me would also feel empty after a while. Well, if it's anything to be proud of, I think I lasted a good 3 months before I hit this emptiness. So, now, I seriously need to find some time to refuel and refill myself.

It's not everyday that you'll find me in such a state... But it's good to know that I am indeed human. I bleed when I'm cut, I hurt when I'm punched, I'll go down if I get knocked, but I'm sure's not gonna lie down and admit defeat...