Sunday, April 08, 2007

Spent...

Like I said in my previous post, the emptiness continues.

I know it's caused by a lack of rest, and I am indeed dead tired now. And when I'm tired, I lose all motivation to work. Not because I don't want to work, but just because I have no energy to go on. I seriously feel like an empty vessel now. I have just lost the determination to do anything. I keep telling myself, "But the show must go on..." and I find myself debating within. The mind tells me that I must do it, but the heart finds it heavy...

I think all I need is some encouragement, and a whole lot of rest. I haven't had a decent day off in about 2 months, and my request to get it changed doesn't affect me at all. Still I get called to do this or that... It's either things from the office, or a weird call from somewhere for something that's totally out of the blue.

I seriously think that I've hit rock bottom this time. I want to crawl back up, but the spirit is weak. my head says that I must go on, but the spirit is dragging me down.

I must go on... I know it's not by might of men, nor by sheer will power that I do all things, but by the spirit of God... I am willing, but I seriously feel that I just do not have any more to give... I am empty... I am tired... I just want some time where I can just sit down alone and not think about anything.

Maybe I'm blaming my non-existent day off too much. Maybe it's something else. I can only wonder...

3 Comments:

Blogger DeGiRL said...

well, one thing i learnt from flo, was that we have been like banks, letting ppl withdraw love and care and services out til we nolonger have anything to give, so now, i shall deposit a lil love and comfort, support and encouragement into ur bank. U have been doing a GREAT job and i mean it from the bottom of my heart. I wouldnt have gotten thru a lot of things without u. U are indeed the best leader, friend and brother i could ever have met. Continue ur work, but take a break. u need to recooperate...we're only himan bah, kan..u have no idea how mych ur investment of time and services has touched my life. Please Please dont give up, Please please dont lose that passion. rest so that u will be energised and refreshed.

April 08, 2007 4:51 pm  
Blogger Sir Paul Johns said...

Sigh. I'm tired of saying take some rest.. what you need is to get laid :P

Wait.. oh ya kan you're my cell leader :P

Ok then. A lil love, care, encouragement and support shall I deposit into your "bank" but not because of pity, I do it because I know it's one of the best investments I'll ever make in my life, cause I know you can do it. If not I wouldn't bother at all, but I know you can!

And I know you won't give up...

Cause if you do then pigs would fly, elephants would eat humans, SP would be real and I'd still be a pagan.

And yet again, take a rest! Give me sometime to think of ways.. but I'm sure there's a way. God won't let a servant drain himself.

Who you need is a someone who serves the servants. And that's why you have people like me :P

Oh and for me thinking makes me relaxed, having nothing to think about makes me uneasy. Haha.

April 08, 2007 11:19 pm  
Blogger SaDdNesZ.jc said...

thanks guys... really appreciate it...

April 12, 2007 1:34 am  

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