Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The will to LIVE

Sometimes, I think that I'd be better off dead.

Not all the time, but sometimes...

Well, that's the mind of an existentialist in a nutshell. If the world is coming to nothing, then might as well end our suffering right here, right now. If my life had eternal value, I would like to cash in on it now, so that I will not have to suffer on this wretched earth anymore.

Then, this morning, I saw this 'insignificant aunty' breeze past me on my way to work. I say that she is insignificant not because she was poor or anything, but because of her demeanor that stereotypes here as 'just another person on the street'. She was dressed in a rather traditional chinese costum, dull and loose... You know, those type that our grandmothers wear in the house... And that depicts her not as someone that is 'contributing immensely' to the country or society like the snoby lawyers or the stylo-milo corporate leaders. Well, it could be that her contributions to this society might not be seen, or publicised like the write-ups we see about this or that big-shot getting what award here and there. But there was a huge sense of determination and and aura of certainty in her step.

From the clothes on her back and the fact that she was walking on a 5 foot walkway, at her age, does give the impression that she doesn't live a luxurious life. But she was determined, and she was sure she wanted to go where her feet were taking her.

I didn't have that much of time to have studied her in detail, but that split second brushing was all I needed to sense her will to live. You can practically see the fire in here eyes, her determination written all over her face, to succeed in the task she set out to do.

That made me think.

I am this 'snaking professional' that complains so much about life when I am living in so much more than what I think she has. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, an office job that is comfortably located in an air-conditioned room, and I am almost 100% sure that I have had more education that she'd ever had been able to dream of. But yet, I have not got the fire in my belly that permeated through the lady's face.

If you say that I am leading an insignificant life, and that I would be better off dead, then I will agree with you. But the look on the lady's face says otehrwise. No matter what situation she was facing, *for all we know, she could be the mother of a multi-millionaire that lives in on of the super expensive condo's on Jalan Ampang* she was determined to get on with her life, and to succeed in what she wanted to do.

Me? I'm just another insignificant minion plying my trade, selling my soul to earn a salary. She, she is living her life come what may, determined to live the life that is set before her.

Maybe I should give up this existentialist mentality of mine and live for the day.

Let's see... where's the re-set button?

*examinse self trying to find the 'Peel to reveal re-set button' flap on my body...


Anonymous david said...

That's the problem with the modern world - it saps the life out of you, turning you into a 'fire-less' zombie. I'll let you know when I find out how to avoid it ok?

Oh wait, I know! Be a hermit.

February 15, 2006 2:54 pm  
Blogger SaDdNesZ.jc said...

Dave: Yeah... Go live in a cave, drink morning dew and eat off whatever the bats drop from the sky...


I think I can live like that... but the bat droppings, I can surely do without...

February 15, 2006 3:12 pm  
Blogger Chief said...

i guess one of the 'problem' is that we have too many choices ! if we had to do only 1 thing to survive the days i'm sure we'll all be doing it with fire in our belly as well.

February 15, 2006 7:31 pm  
Blogger SaDdNesZ.jc said...

Cheif: but then we'd complain that our lives are too monotonous...

We all work hard to live a simple life... oxymoron...

February 16, 2006 9:25 am  

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