Thursday, November 09, 2006

Breathe Easy

For those of you who have been following my blog, I have been rather depressed lately, and it's down to stress from all sides. I am tired from keeping track of everything, with limited resources, limited help, and limited understanding on a lot of things.

But now, at last, I can start to breathe easy. At least for a moment.

Respite has finally come.

I have been in a such tight financial situation for the past 3-4 months that I have had to count every cent that I spend. And that didn't do any good for my mental health. It was indeed like living in a pressur cooker. I had to turn down dinners with friends, I had to strategise when and how I should spend my money, I had to think about buying this or that and there's always something that needs me to come up with money. And every month, I just seemed to scrape through by the scruff of my teeth. I haven't been to shopping centres for such a long time that I'd probably forgotten how it felt to buy consumer goods.

There's just so many things you need to think about when you are working on a tight budget. And in between that, I had a wedding to attend, my car got kicked, I had to pay for a working trip, I had to replenish a lot of things. Life's hard when you have virtually ZERO disposable income. Do this cannot. Don't do, also cannot.

Sometimes, it's as bad as me having not enough money to traverse to work.

So, most of the 3-4 months stated above was just about paying a large amount of money so that I can get to work to earn a small amount of money. I hope you don't understand this feeling, cause if you do, you'd be very VERY poor.

And now suddenly, I am given this breath of air from my long and arduous drowning. *Thanks, if you're reading this.*

I have just gotten a rather significant amount of money. It's not a lot that it can cover all my worries, but it's enough. And last night, for the first time in a loooOOOoong time, was the very first dinner whereby I didn't have to worry about whether I was overspending. Well, I accorded myself this one 'bonus' just for last night. Gosh, was that good. It's like you've been deprived of fresh air, and then suddenly, someone sent you an oxygen tank, filled with air from the mountain top.

It was seriously one of the best dinners I've had in a long time. I'm not talking about the quality of the food, but the relief of being able to order almost anything without calculating the price of that meal to the very cent.

It's the satisfaction of being able to breathe easy.

And this has seriously given me a fresh take on life; That I have been under such pressure, without respite, only holding on to the hope that God will deliver me from this. And I have come to realise that my relationship with friends and especially my girlfriend has been tense because of that. All because I was calculative in my every move, I have tensed up the relationships with my friends. I have never realised that money would play such a significant role in my life. It's a rather shocking find, really.

And it's signs that money or the capitalist market that's been controlling my life.

I only wonder if it's like that with all of you lot.

Tell me... hhhmmm....

Tonight, I'll be back to my old ways. Self Control...

p.s. God is good. And suddenly, life is starting to come good.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Michele said...

Aww good on you! :)

November 10, 2006 8:34 am  

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