Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Wednesday: The usual rant...

Sigh... Woke up slightly late today and arrived at the office 'on-time'. I usually arrive a good ten minutes early so that I can get breakfast. But today, breakfast gave up on me!!!

I'm hungry now.. and I need to get some food. These are times when Milo won't do much for your tummy.

It is also times like these that I ma reminded of a thing called spiritual hunger. Sometimes in life, you'll be dry in your soul, and you know that there's more to life than your insatiable thirst for material wealth. This is when you'll be looking for the true meaning of life. Well, I was down there a few weeks ago, now I'm slowly rediscovering the spiritual side of things.

Maybe I just need to settle down. (Shit. I'm turning into an uncle without me noticing!!! ALAMAK!!!)

Well, since we're in this topic, and I have nothing much else to rant about, and this entire week has been museless, I am indeed getting old. (There. I've said it. I'm OLD... O.L.D. read: Grumpy/'Loh Soh'/feels need to settle down/desparately need to 'familise'...) And i'm just 24 years old!!!!!!

Although I have a few frinds who's gotten married, and there's this guy who used to be my classmate has a baby boy now... But... but... sigh... there's no use fighting it... I'm doomed...



Change is always a constant... Yet sometimes, people don't take change with open arms. The world is constanly changing and yet, our human nature dictates that we resist change. We are always on the lookout for a stable point in which we can settle down and settle in nicely. However, nature doesn't work that way. Forests are always growing. Animal s are always procreating, the earth is always changing; acting and reacting to the things that are happening in it and around it.

Sometimes I find myself wondering why can't man make something that can last forever. Like why must I buy a car only to find it deteriorating as time goes by? Why can't I buy a house that will not succumb to the wear and tear of weather? Why can't I find a job that will pay me progressively according to the inflation rate, and not worry about where I will be plying my trade?

Human life can be such a hassle sometimes. We run, we chase, we do so many things only to find that when we've reached our goals, the world's changed. So what's the use of chasing after material possisions anyway? Sigh...

Yet, I still need a place to stay, a car to get around with, and conviction to live my life the best I can.

But yet, I still chase the little comforts of a home, a good wife and kids, a few good friends, a better car to drive, a comfortable house to live in, and last but never the least, a comfortable life for my folks.

I feel so useless. Life seems so meaningless.

I know God is calling me to Him, getting me to draw near to Him, but yet, my heart seems to be far away, and it doesn't seem to want to turn back to God.

It is only in God that I can find meaning in life. It is only God that makes living this life worthwhile. I know all that... Just that... my heart is not convinced.

I need time to change.


Blogger willywilly said...

Quiet down yourself, big brother. Just quiet down yourself.

Listen to Him with your heart.
mark me: is with your "heart", the central of your being.

You're getting the engine started. Now that you need to step a bit on the accelerator to get the car moving. Then you'll see the work of our miraculous God :)

Use your heart.... :)

God loves you deeply regardless of your performance or your past.

November 09, 2005 3:10 pm  
Blogger SaDdNesZ.jc said...

Ewilly: It's not that I don't want to.. but certain things set in motion cannot be stopped.

I cannot stop my ministry just to get myself back on track. Some responsibilities are just not stoppable. It's not that I don't want to... it's difficult... Maybe I need to learn to let go... I know it's not me who's making things happen, but it is my responsibility to God to take care of those under my care.

You'll understand when you have to take care of a few people's spiritual lives. Sometimes, I get so obssesed in doing a good job for God that I have forgotten to let God take control...

sigh... paradoxical...

November 09, 2005 3:21 pm  
Anonymous Nat said...

totally agree with you. its so hard not to chase after wealth, status and stuff even though we know all these things are temporal and meaningless.

so hard to seek God and his kingdom first.

i guess more and more we realise how hard it is to beat our human nature and how much we need God. a reminder to always be dependent on his strength for everything.

November 09, 2005 3:55 pm  

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