A time to Re-focus...

Focus... I just got it two months ago... and now I've just lost it.

It's something of a mystery really. Two months ago, I had this sense of destiny in my life. Now suddenly, it's gone!

My writing sucked, the quality of my discussions plummetted, and I come to the office not knowing what's going to happen next!

Well, I've been sitting around this snake-pit of an office for almost 3 months now, and it looks likely that i'll be confirmed as a permanent staff. However, my hopes aren't high. In the end, the mentality here is still "We're a design house." Clients treat us like that, and we can't break across as any other. Our biggest client is keeping the business tight, with lots of demands and lots of projects. We simply don't have the time to get new business. Besides most of these projects don't require the services of a full-fledge copywriter. Just a proof reader.

So, my appointment here isn't that solid afterall. There's this risk that one day, I would be told to leave simply because they have no need for my services. The clients are used to writing their own copy, and thus, have a tendency to disregard whatever I write because I 'do not understand their business properly.'

And then, the briefs given by the clients to my bosses are really simple. A'la "Take this project, design something, and we'll review it in 3 days."

Seriously, there's not much to be done here...

Well, coming back to focus.

Life has been rather meaningless now. Everything seems to amount to nothing. Plans are always being made, there's a future to look forward to, lots of politics here and there, but it's all bleak!

Suddenly, the euphoria of getting my very own apartment has hit rock bottom, considering the financial strain that it may bring to the entire family. But it is a necessity. If I don't get the apartment, then my marriage plans have to be put on hold for a longer period. If I get the apartment, I don't think I'll have the financial strength to save up for a marriage. Besides, since that my sisters are all here, it only makes sense not to put the family's money into someone else's account.

It's frustrating when the ability to earn wealth is tied tightly to the time factor. Sometimes it makes me really wonder: "I am working a 9 hour job, only to use the remainder of the day to serve the church, having next to no time for other means of income, but yet, 1 job is not enough for a guy to survive in this harsh and barren dessert of an economy. My friend came back from Aussie and told me this superb realisation. She said, "If we take on part-time jobs, we make RM4.50/hour here and a tube of toothpaste costs RM6.00. I can make AUS$5.00/hour and a tube of the same toothpaste costs AUS$2.00."

We have to work practically 2 hours to earn a tube of toothpaste, whilst in other economies, you work an hour for 2 tubes, and still get change for the bus ride home!

So that's why I'm so poor...