ON the lighter side of life...

There's no lighter side of life for me so far. 

I find myself being so occupied by the fact that I am still settling down, with countless loose ends to settle, and I am duly distracted by work, rumours of work, restrictions in doing work, working on something that you don't know whether you should work on or not, I'd say a big chunk of my worry now is WORK... 

It's not that my work is not good, nor do I resent my office, but it's just, we're so stuck in between things right now that we can't move much. So many things are out of our control and management. So many things that need to be done, but cannot be done. 

So many things that should have been done, but were not done...

So many places to go, so many hats to wear, so many issues from so many sides... 

I have simply stopped thinking about things. All I think about is what I should be doing tomorrow, and even that also, sometimes, cannot be answered. It's like I'm existing to work, but then, there's not much to be done. Everything is so unsure that there's nothing that can be a certainty. I know what I would be teaching next year, but then, that too is not confirmed.

I guess I have really lost my focus in certain areas of my life.

The stuff on my mind constitutes stuff like what if the school won't start next year? What if I can sell-off my car, which is still not fixed because the final police report is still pending the signature of some majistrate that is supposed to visit Kinabatangan like maybe once a year or something, I need to manage my finances, which include the buying of fridge, installation of astro, telephone/internet, possibly the purchase of a bigger vehicle so that it'll be more comfortable for the family to travel back and forth from Tawau and Sandakan, saving up for the baby, the food that we eat everyday, the clothes that we wear, and all that. 

I know the Bible says not to worry and sorts, but it's like, my mind is in this state of 'can't do anything now'. I would like to see myself as a man who has a bit of foresight and I would like to see things 2 steps ahead of people, but this is killing me. 

I guess what I need would be a retret of some sort to some where...