Llife is short...

I just realised that what I have built up over these few months can just crumble at once...

Reminds me of how fragile things with life are. Glory can be like flowers, here today, gone tomorrow.

But there's only this thin line between faith and glory.

I have done things based on faith, but there's only this thin line that I can cross to walk into self-glorification and turn into a total flop in the end.

Success breeds success. But success can also be addictive. Sometimes you get addicted to it that you are willing to risk more and more things for success. Sometimes, you get so engrossed in success that you fail to realise that there's this this line between genius and total loon.

The perfect example is this:
My high school, just before we went into our final preparations for our SPM (Government Exams), asked a senior who got an A1 in Moral Studies to give us a prep talk on how to score in the said paper. And he duly gave his tips. He told us, "Once you get into the hall your exam questions will have a blank page at the back. Use it to spew out all the things that you have memorised and you'll find it easier to score." *For those who haven't gone through what a living hell it was, we were given 64 points (Nilai Moral) in which supposedly sums up the entire moral system in Malaysia. Everything in the exam questions will be graded according to these 64 points and the proper use of the points as examples to which we argue our point of view. (Now I understand why God gave us only 10 commandments. We will never ever be able to memorise all the 64 points into our minds. Never ever.)

And when we had the opportunity to question him, he told us to write as many relevant points into the essay as possible because the marking system is as such that you mention the point in the essay, you get the marks. So assuming there is this question about racial harmony, and you listed 10 points (nilai-nilai moral; for example 'tolerance') to back up your answer. If the marker finds that you have hit 7 points on his Marking Scheme, you get 7 out of 10 marks for that essay. So if you put in 15 points, you have the chance to hit more points on the fella's marking scheme.

So we were told to stuff as many points as it is humanely possible in your answers. Apparently, language, structure and cohesiveness isn't too much of an issue. So I tried to stuff in as many 'nilai' as I can cohesively crock up from the regurgitated points behind my question paper but I still got a C5 for it.

He did the same thing, pack in all he could for his paper the year before and he got an A1. That's a good 30-40 point gap for doing the same thing. Same method, different people, one thin line. Genius vs Flop.

So, sometimes, I must admit, that I am seeing things that tells me I'm going to be a total flop in the near future. I mean, I have faith in God that He will deliver the results if it is for His glory. But there's only this thin line that differentiaites between His glory, and my own. It only takes 1 small step in front to cross that line and grab God's glory away for myself. I just hope I'm not doing that.

I saw a need, I took care of it, and now, it seems bleak. sigh... Faith? or Flop??