I'm dry...

No, I'm not cracking up, but I am dry...

I've been hiding behind my writing lately, until I found a few friends' blogs.

They have been using it as a diary, and also a medium where their personal testimonies could be seen by others. Me, I've been hiding behind my issues, and trying to sound as politically correct as possible. I only mention God in an objective manner.

It has just dawned on me that I have been leading a life that is full of God's knowledge, and I can practically talk my way through any kind of question regarding religion and God. But I haven't been doing it in this blog because I want to keep this as an objective channel which would make my audience think about God more deeply. Thus, as my audience, you would've been reading loads and loads of observations on life, but yet, it does not have any real content because it's more of an intellectual discussion rather than something from the heart. I haven't been totally honest with you, my audience.

sorry. . .

I need to change. I need a real relationship with God. I've done enough hiding behind my own wall. I want to change. And I know I can't do this alone. I need God.

Sometimes, when you're in the midst of worshipping God, you tend to think about some things in life. And I found out once when I was singing some song to God, that "Hey, I'm singing on the top of my lungs, but who am I singing to? Do I know you God? Do I still know you?"

I have fallen so low that I have fallen flat! I am frantically trying to pull myself up again, but I have been doing it the wrong way. I can't pull myself up. Someone has to pull me up for me. When you're drowning, you can't grab yourself by the hair and yank hoping that the anti-gravitational move that your hand is making will be enough to stop you from sinking deeper into the pool of water. I need God.

It is when you're crushed from all sides,
and have no where to go,
That the love of Christ becomes so imminent,
It seeps through the cracks of your broken heart.

My heart is broken. I am crushed. I have no one to turn to. No one can understand me. No one can bear my burden.

But yet, it is only under such circumstances that I am reminded that I have Christ in my heart, and when my heart breaks, His love flows out and covers those cracks, mending my heart, saving my soul.

Sometimes, we protect ourselves from heartbreak so much that we have forgotten how to feel. That we have forgotten what it means to trust in God anymore. That we forget the true meaning of believing in God Almighty.

*The little phrase on top was written when I was facing the most difficult situation in my life a few years back. I was staring failure right in the eye because I refused to study for my college exams. I knew it was a battle lost, and I knew whatever I did would be futile. So I went into the exams without studying a single thing. I failed 3 out of 5 subjects and I left the college.*

And as you can see, my writting has dried up also...