Wednesday, August 23, 2006

It's tough...

I wonder why I am soaking myself in a pool of unhappiness and self-induced depression. *wait... is that even possible?*

I found that life is getting more and more difficult. But that's just life. No one gets it easy. I am on the brink of making a life changing decision, and it's so life changing that I don't even dare tell my parents about it. Well, I've tried at hinting, and they hinted back that they do not approve of such a step. But then...

Ah, well...

It's always unsettling for someone like me to take a big detour on my life's journey. It's not all about me and myself. It's always about the family that I icarry around with me. Wherever I go, I have to make plans for my family. There was this comment in my previous post that asked me where my hometown was... I didn't answer the fella directly simply because I want to somewhat maintain a certain amount of anonymity. *Sorries...*

Well, let's just say that expectations are high. And although given the broad shoulders to carry these expectations, it is still hard. Some expectations from your family are unspoken. Some are plain for everyone to see. Some are expectations you put on yourself. Well, that's the perils of living in a slowly 'Westernising' society.

We Asians, are still rather Familial. We stick closely to our nuclear family. Mother+Father is very important. Taking care of them properly is even more important. It's a rather big 'sin' when you're Chinese, and you put your parents into a Home. Society looks at you as if you're heartless. And it's true to a certain point. My parents didn't send me to a Home when I was a baby so that they get to work, and thus, they do not deserve to be sent to a home when I go work. And seeing the conditions of the 'Homes' here, I would rather not... I mean, I myself, do not want to end up in a Home, whatmore my parents.

Whatever said and done, all we can do is to take it as it comes I guess.

But that doesn't stop me from thinking about my every move. One little mis-step, and I could be set aback for years.

What's a man to do, eh?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can relate to that part torn between ur life and ur love for your parents.

who knows what a life-changing decision could become of if we dont dare to put our foot down just because we are busy measuring the circumstances before it even happen.

to live with no regrets is all about braving the odds at present time. and then some...

i think at this age, we are never calm enough to get thru the mishaps. whether u're in angst or depression, u still realize that the issues of yours are still at hand. blunt and harsh,eh?

August 23, 2006 2:10 pm  
Blogger SaDdNesZ.jc said...

Anon: It's slightly more difficult when you have to walk away from some 'long-term' plans that have been set in motion...

Sometimes, you just can't walk away from certain things that will rush at you, and will surely overcome you no matter where you are, what you are doing...

But of course, everyone has their own pressures in life... It's all about how to deal with them...

August 23, 2006 3:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yvonne: actually tat anon is me, i ALWAYs..okayz,occasionally forget to put my name onnit.

If, clearly God did audibly booms out "desmond!.." and confirm that what u're procastinating are the moves u should initiate, how do you comply?

*massages my melting brain*

Surely, for the norm in reaction, we (ought to) faithfully incline. Hence, how much can our action align with such trust and faith in God ones hope to complement?

i agree "its all about how to deal with them."

Sigh,sigh and double sigh.

August 26, 2006 1:02 am  

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