so far so good...

It has indeed turned out to be a rather slow morning for me thus far.

The only thing that I needed to do for the entire morning was to check a leaflet thrice!!!

So I'm taking this opportunity to snake a bit...

hehehehe... I know I promised not to snake (too much) but this is inevitable. My usual reads are exhausted, and I am sitting down at the office with nothing to do. Some day, I'll bring in Readers Digest from the house.

Sigh.

I've been demotivated lately, getting tired, and slightly annoyed at life. I know... I whine and whine and whine about everything all the time, there's no such thing as a perfect life...

Well, the thought of this has brought to my mind a very uncanny, and a little disturbing thought that I just realised a few days ago.

I was looking at a friend's blog and I couldn't help but feel and sense a bit of my old self in the fella. He has a strong grasp on life, and what he wanted to do with it. At first, I thought that the fella is a stiff-necked teenager that hasn't seen enough of life. But then, I realised that I too was just like him when I was his age. Idealist in thought and nature.

But somewhere along the line, I have turned from an idealist to an existentialist. I wonder why...

I used to be very into changing the world into a better place, I used to spot flaws in a system and I would demand change. Then, I would require myself to be the ideal person. The ideal boyfriend, husband, son, friend, and whatever you require of me...

But then, all of a sudden, I find myself drawn to existentialism.

Wait.. I think the point was when a Priest decided to preach on Ecclesiastes, that something in my mind snapped. Everything was indeed meaningless. Or it was turning out to be.

We run, we strive, we suffer, we stay alive, we go through stress, we risk the potential of losing our jobs, our lives for our jobs, we eat, glutton and drink, we chase after our dreams, we make ourselves stronger, we try to improve, just to get through life. But what's waiting for us at the end of it? Nothing!

There is indeed nothing new under the sun.

Theories are just words and thoughts waiting to be disproved. A theory remains a theory until it is disproven. And throughout the ages, there have been so much that has been thought of, popularised, and later disproved by a later idea, or some new fact that comes up. But so far, the Theory of Relativity is still the predominant thought in the human mind. Well, it is indeed a very logical theory but not without its own flaws. In a nutshell, relativity means that if your 'Control' experiment messes up, you are doomed.

There is no such thing as a theory without a fact, but there is no fact without theories backing it up. You think Science is so 'ultimate'? Wrong... remember, during lab experiments, it's always relative. There is always a 'Control' experiment so that the 'Results' experiment may be compared to. And up until today, Ions and Protons are still a theory waiting to be disproved. Then, I was told that there is an even smaller particle found in 'Mass' than Electrons... So... there you go... We humans don't even know what we're made of...

Can we see actual electrons moving from one side to the other side in the beacar? No!! all we see are bubbles on the metal plates inside some funky coloured water. We only see the side effects, but we can't actually see it happening. Most of the time, our education is the very thing that fails us. We are known to rely on false consciousness that we derive from watching movies, friends who talk a lot, our own thinking, and whatever information that we can gather from our environment. But are all these true? How true is true? Is truth a feeling?

Because we have not seen enough, we are actually restricted by what we know or do not know. But then, how much can we learn and know with our limited time and opportunity? There's so much information out there, but there's only so much we can know. So what is the truth??

What I find most disturbing is seeing people who has seen and learned less than you, get their heads into a 'thought' that you have discarded as 'when I was under-informed'...

Now I know how exactly my mother and father felt when I was the rebellious kind... Frustrated...

I am learning and experiencing the burdens of fatherhood too early than my supposed time...

sigh...