I. Need. Focus.

I've been slightly disillusioned nowadays.

I wonder why...

I constantly find myself in a minor depressive kind of mood and life is feeling slightly bland. Everything I do seems to leave a pale taste at the mouth. Maybe it's a late nights I've seemed to put in, and maybe it's the tug of war that I constantly find myself in.

I feel that I am spiritually and mentally sapped. Physically too. I've been trying to play basketball and football during the weekend, but to no avail, I don't feel refreshed. Although I played rather well in the basketball game, but at the end, I still feel no high. You know, the sort of high that you get after a full game of andrenaline pumping excitement. Maybe I am really, seriously getting old.

They say that one starts to go downhill at 25... Heck, I'm turning 25 in a short period of time.

sigh...

Maybe it's a chain of events leading up to this week. I made a few mistakes in my job. Minor ones, but still requires quite a lot of trouble shooting. And then I seem to have been grouped up in the losing team in both my basketball games and the football session. Whatever I tried to do didn't work... I just couldn't win any match...

I'm just depressed.

But there's a cause to celebrate though...

I have been praying for a big break in my career, and an opportunity seemingly presented itself after football yesterday. A footballing friend came up with an offer to get my resume into one of the country's leading ad agencies. So... If indeed I do get in, it's gonna be my BIG break!!! Hopes are up, but then, being me, I always look at the good and bad of everything. I cannot afford to job hop anymore. I need to settle down. Although, this current company of mine does lack quite a lot in staff benefits, and remuneration. My doubts have also been justified. I have heard that a junior copywriter outside gets around RM2.4K per month, and my footballing friend gave me that exact amount quoting a rough price in remuneration if I do get in.

Well, that's just that. I am also concerned that if I get into the Big Company, I will have less time for myself. I don't really want to join a rat race. But I do want to at least experience how a major agency works. And working under a senior will only help me develop my needed skills. I do feel that it is the right time for me, 1.5 years experience, without too much financial burden/commitment (yet), and willing to learn. If I go any later, I might end up a senior copywriter that lacks experience.

But then, if I leave, I might need to work long hours and wouldn't be able to perform my social and religious duties at church. sigh...

But if I don't leave, my nett worth will not justify my years of experience later in life...

I know what I want... but what does God want??? *sigh*

dilemma... uncertainty... STRESS!!!